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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. 1
While some people are of the opinion that standard athletes should receive more payments than other important professionals, others believe this is not justified. In this essay I would discuss both views and explain why in my opinion there should not be so much difference in the pay of all professionals. To begin, those who are of the opinion that sports professionals should receive outrageous payments say so because of the following reasons. Firstly, they under-go pressure to perform well. This is because they do several training sessions. Hence, they put their personal lives on hold and concentrate in performing their best. For example, in the United Kingdom, the football association has a team for young boys where they teach them soccer from a tender age. Therefore athletes deserve enormous pay because they dedicate a long period of time for training. Secondly, international competitions bring fame to a country. That is to say, the success of an athlete representing a nation for a particular sport enhances the reputation of that country. This therefore increases the economy of that country. Hence athletes receive great pay commensurate to the advantage their success brings to the country. For instance, in 2009, the success of Nigeria Falcons in the Fifa World Cup resulted in economic gain for the country. On the other hand, there are other professionals such as teachers and doctors who are more important than sports professionals, but their annual salaries are very insignificant compared to that of successful athletes. This should not be the case because they impart greatly on the life of citizens. To exemplify, teachers impart knowledge on children and help to shape their character, thereby becoming better citizens of the country. Without teachers, the role of parents in educating their children would be futile. Similarly, doctors work tirelessly to save lives. To clarify this, they have spent up to ten years to study in the university and internship to acquire the necessary knowledge they require. However these professionals receive meager salaries and this should not be the case because of their valuable services. To illustrate this, the six months salary of a medical doctor in Nigeria is about the fee given to a cricket player per match in the United Kingdom. This cannot be justified in any way. To conclude, I believe there should not be so much difference in the pay of other professionals and successful sports men, as it is not fair or healthy. Professionals should be paid according to the service they render. The government should raise the salaries of other valuable professionals and collect taxes from sports professionals to ensure balance in the society.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
more payments than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, others believe this is not justified. In this essay I would discuss both views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in my opinion there should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much difference in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
of all professionals.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, those who are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
outrageous payments say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.
Firstly
, they under-go pressure to perform well. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do several training sessions.
Hence
, they put their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on hold and concentrate in performing their best.
For example
, in the United Kingdom, the football association has a team for young boys where they teach them soccer from a tender age.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
deserve enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they dedicate a long period of time for training.
Secondly
, international competitions bring fame to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
That is
to say, the success of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
representing a nation for a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
enhances the reputation of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This
therefore
increases the economy of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
commensurate to the advantage their success brings to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, in 2009, the success of Nigeria Falcons in the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Fifa World Cup
resulted in economic gain for the country.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
such as teachers and doctors who are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
insignificant compared to that of successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. This should not be the case
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they impart
greatly
on the life of citizens. To exemplify, teachers impart knowledge on children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to shape their character, thereby becoming better citizens of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Without teachers, the role of parents in educating their children would be futile.
Similarly
, doctors work
tirelessly
to save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. To clarify this, they have spent up to ten years to study in the university and internship to acquire the necessary knowledge they require.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
meager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and this should not be the case
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their valuable services. To illustrate this, the six months
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
of a medical doctor in Nigeria is about the fee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to a cricket player per match in the United Kingdom. This cannot
be justified
in any way.

To conclude
, I believe there should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much difference in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
and successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, as it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
or healthy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Professionals
should
be paid
according to the service they render. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
and collect taxes from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to ensure balance in the society.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
440 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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