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Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happines

Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. to this statement v. 8
Money and wealth enable us to own many things but does not necesserily guarantee happines. No doubt possessing money increased our purchaser power, but first and foremost with or without money people can be happy. The firt point I would like to make is money definitly needed in our life because without them we can? t live in modern society. We can buy suplies, travel, learn new skill. Likewise, people with a lot of money can do exciting activities, they relaxed and less stressed. Rich people dont have to worry about money, bills and other cost of living. Whether it is about housing, food, clothes, travel, education, recreation, gadgets, or anything, the wealthier people are, the more they can fulfill their material aspirations. The other thing I would say, people who have a lot of money no reason to work hard and get on in life. As a result of that everyday life can became boring and meanningless. Apart from that, they often have no real friends and feel lonely. On the other hand, life consists of many important things that cannot be bought. For instance, people can purchase the best medicines and treatments, but they cannot really buy health. To sum up, affluence can make life much easier and more comfortable, but sometimes it can even be a burden.
Money
and wealth enable us to
own
many
things
but
does not
necesserily
guarantee
happines
. No doubt possessing
money
increased our purchaser power,
but
first
and foremost with or without
money
people
can be happy.

The
firt
point I would like to
make
is
money
definitly
needed in our
life
because
without them we can?
t
live
in modern society. We can
buy
suplies
, travel, learn new
skill
.
Likewise
,
people
with
a lot of
money
can do exciting activities, they relaxed and less
stressed
. Rich
people
dont
have to
worry about
money
, bills and other cost of living. Whether it is about housing, food, clothes, travel, education, recreation, gadgets, or anything, the wealthier
people
are, the more they can fulfill their material aspirations.

The other thing I would say,
people
who have
a lot of
money
no reason to work
hard
and
get
on in
life
.
As a result
of that everyday
life
can became
boring
and
meanningless
. Apart from that, they
often
have no real friends and feel lonely.
On the other hand
,
life
consists of
many
important
things that cannot be
bought
.
For instance
,
people
can
purchase
the best medicines and treatments,
but
they cannot
really
buy
health.

To sum up, affluence can
make
life
much easier and more comfortable,
but
sometimes
it can even be a burden.
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The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happines

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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