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Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happines

Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. to this statement v. 8
Money and wealth enable us to own many things but does not necesserily guarantee happines. No doubt possessing money increased our purchaser power, but first and foremost with or without money people can be happy. The firt point I would like to make is money definitly needed in our life because without them we can? t live in modern society. We can buy suplies, travel, learn new skill. Likewise, people with a lot of money can do exciting activities, they relaxed and less stressed. Rich people dont have to worry about money, bills and other cost of living. Whether it is about housing, food, clothes, travel, education, recreation, gadgets, or anything, the wealthier people are, the more they can fulfill their material aspirations. The other thing I would say, people who have a lot of money no reason to work hard and get on in life. As a result of that everyday life can became boring and meanningless. Apart from that, they often have no real friends and feel lonely. On the other hand, life consists of many important things that cannot be bought. For instance, people can purchase the best medicines and treatments, but they cannot really buy health. To sum up, affluence can make life much easier and more comfortable, but sometimes it can even be a burden.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
and wealth enable us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
does not
Possible spelling mistake found.
necesserily
guarantee
Possible spelling mistake found.
happines
. No doubt possessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
increased our purchaser power,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
first
and foremost with or without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be happy.

The
Possible spelling mistake found.
firt
point I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Possible spelling mistake found.
definitly
needed in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without them we can?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in modern society. We can
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buy
Possible spelling mistake found.
suplies
, travel, learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can do exciting activities, they relaxed and less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, bills and other cost of living. Whether it is about housing, food, clothes, travel, education, recreation, gadgets, or anything, the wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are, the more they can fulfill their material aspirations.

The other thing I would say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
no reason to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
As a result
of that everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can became
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "bore"
boring
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
meanningless
. Apart from that, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have no real friends and feel lonely.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
consists of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the best medicines and treatments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
health.

To sum up, affluence can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
much easier and more comfortable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it can even be a burden.
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IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happines

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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