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Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree to this statement v.3

Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. to this statement v. 3
In todays world, people are very busy chasing money. It is believed by many that money can make one gleeful in the world. However, I partially agree with this view as there are many factors which lead to contentment and not just wealth. Firstly, it is very important to have peace of mind in order to be happy. No matter how much money or resources one can obtain, if he or she does not have inner tranquility, life becomes stressful and difficult. For instance, one of my friend has a very successful career and is very opulent, nevertheless, his job does not permit work-life balance leading to ill health and tensions. Secondly, being around with family or loved ones is a very comforting feeling, which wealth cannot guaranty. For example, when my parents had limited income, we were still happy, as all of us were together with compassion and care towards each other. Whereas, today we are all economically well settled, we live apart and are not as happy. On the other hand, money plays a vital role in providing comforts and facilities. People who have an abundance of resources feel safer and happier to some extent. For instance, I was exuberant for some days when I bought a new car. Hence, I believe that money is one of the important aspects of being more cheerful, albeit not the only way. To conclude, I opine that having lots of money and resources do not guarantee happiness and are not elementary for contentment. Besides, it is imperative to be internally satisfied and be surrounded by people who care which brings true joy. Nonetheless, riches do proffer security and happiness temporarily.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy chasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one gleeful in the world.
However
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors which lead to contentment and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wealth.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have peace of mind in order to be happy. No matter how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or resources one can obtain, if he or she does not have inner tranquility, life becomes stressful and difficult.
For instance
, one of my friend has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
successful career and is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
opulent,
nevertheless
, his job does not permit work-life balance leading to ill health and tensions.

Secondly
, being around with family or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comforting feeling, which wealth cannot guaranty.

For example
, when my parents had limited income, we were
still
happy, as all of us were together with compassion and care towards each other. Whereas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we are all
economically
well settled, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
apart and are not as happy.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays a vital role in providing comforts and facilities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who have an abundance of resources feel safer and happier to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
For instance
, I was exuberant for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a new car.
Hence
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of being more cheerful, albeit not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way.

To conclude
, I opine that having lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and resources do not guarantee happiness and are not elementary for contentment.
Besides
, it is imperative to be
internally
satisfied and
be surrounded
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who care which brings true joy. Nonetheless, riches do proffer security and happiness
temporarily
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. to this statement v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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