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Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree to this statement v.4

Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. to this statement v. 4
Money do not fundamentally insured prosperity. In my opinion, there are merits to this statement, however, there are also factors that I do not agree with. First of all, contentment is subjective. This means that, what makes you happy hold no value to others. For instance, buying expensive things, to some this what makes them delighted, but to others having a complete family makes them contented. Thus, being fortunate does not always a measure of happiness. On the contrary, people who are affluent tend to acquire pleasure effortlessly. This is because wealth plays an essential role in obtaining what they desire to make them feel joyful. For example, billionaires seem very fortunate that they possess all the things they have and purchasing brings joy to everyone of them. Hence, this only dispels that money correlates with happiness. In conclusion, money is something, but not everything. It gives very little long term satisfaction. True happiness resides on every good action that every individual makes.
Money do not
fundamentally
insured prosperity. In my opinion, there are merits to this statement,
however
, there are
also
factors that I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, contentment is subjective. This means that, what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you happy hold no value to others.
For instance
, buying expensive things, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
this what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them delighted,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to others having a complete family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them contented.
Thus
, being fortunate does not always a measure of happiness.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are affluent tend to acquire pleasure
effortlessly
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
wealth plays an essential role in obtaining what they desire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them feel joyful.
For example
, billionaires seem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fortunate that they possess all the things they have and purchasing brings joy to
Did you mean "every one"?
everyone
of them.
Hence
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
dispels that money correlates with happiness.

In conclusion
, money is something,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not everything. It gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
long term satisfaction. True happiness resides on every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
action that every individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. to this statement v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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