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Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree to this statement v.6

Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. to this statement v. 6
Money is often tagged as a measurement of happiness. To some, wealth does not define happiness. I believe that there are merits to this statement, however, there are also factors that I do not agree with. First of all, happiness is subjective, meaning what makes you happy holds no value to others. The nature of happiness differ from different people. This is because no two people in this planet are the same, physically and mentally. We all grow in different circumstances and we hold different values and attitudes. For example, a man who has a low-paying job but still happy because he has a beautiful family compared to a rich man who still looking for a true meaning of happiness despite of having everything he needs. Thus, this only implies that money cannot be regarded as a measure of happiness. On the contrary, money can buy happiness. Spending your fortune can in fact increase the feeling of being satisfied. Money is a means that plays an essential role in everyone's life. Practically, it is necessary to purchase the basic needs of every individual to survive. This means that if you do not have money you cannot buy basic necessities like food, accommodation and clothing. For instance, buying food for the family makes them happy because they have food to eat and finding P100. 00 in the sidewalk can put a smile in your face. Hence, it dispels that money simply correlates with happiness In conclusion, happiness varies from a person to another, it depends on individuals how they define the true meaning of happiness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tagged as a measurement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, wealth does not define
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. I believe that there are merits to this statement,
however
, there are
also
factors that I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is subjective, meaning what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you happy holds no value to others. The nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
Did you mean "differs"?
differ
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in this planet are the same,
physically
and mentally. We all grow in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
circumstances and
we hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
values and attitudes.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who has a low-paying job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
family compared to a rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who
still
looking for a true meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
having everything he needs.
Thus
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
implies that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
be regarded
as a measure of happiness.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Spending your fortune can in fact increase the feeling of
being satisfied
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is a means that plays an essential role in everyone's life.
Practically
, it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the basic needs of every individual to survive. This means that if you do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
you cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
like food, accommodation and clothing.
For instance
, buying food for the family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have food to eat and finding P100. 00 in the sidewalk can put a smile in your face.
Hence
, it dispels that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
simply
correlates with happiness

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
varies from a person to another, it depends on individuals how they define the true meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. to this statement v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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