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Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.11

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 11
Nowadays, the monetary value and the free time availability have become two vital factors for a human living. While, some people contend that being wealthy is propitious than having a more free slot available in one's life, yet, others argue on the opposite shore. I believe putting these two elements on a scale of satisfaction is really difficult, hence, we need a balance of these for our happiness. In this essay we will discuss both the views and will draw an inference. Can I compromise on my salary for a more leisure term? Of course not. Finance is a predominant essential of anyone's priority. People who advocate on the former point, states that, if they have capital, then they will be able to buy anything without a compromise, moreover, having more money gives them a social status and recognition in the society. Having less time will ensure optimum utilization of this free slot, rather than wasting it. To illustrate, after doing a hard work for the whole week, families utilize the weekends to the fullest. Therefore, people can make more wealth, and enjoy the holidays and weekends to their desires. Is finance everything? No. There is a group which believes that enjoying life is more important than putting it in a time-table and calendar. When a person becomes busier to stay wealthy, the family faces the consequences. To illustrate, in most houses where the parents are working and do not have time to spend with their kids during weekdays, the kids develop a feeling of isolation. This will have a dire consequence to the next generation's health. Having said, it is evident that spending enough free time is much more important than the riches. To recapitulate, having mulled over above information and deliberating all the facts, it can be deducted that importance of financial strength and free time is different for everyone. However, I personally believe that having a balance of both of these is paramount. While making money, one should not get so infused in his work that he forgets to live his life.
Nowadays, the monetary value and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
availability have become two vital factors for a human living. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
contend that being wealthy is
Use "(propitious)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
propitious
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
slot available in one's life,
yet
, others argue on the opposite shore. I believe putting these two elements on a scale of satisfaction is
really
difficult,
hence
, we need a balance of these for our happiness. In this essay we will discuss both the views and will draw an inference.

Can I compromise on my salary for a more leisure term?
Of course
not. Finance is a predominant essential of anyone's priority.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who advocate on the former point, states that, if they have capital, then they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything without a compromise,
moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more money gives them a social status and recognition in the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will ensure optimum utilization of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
slot,
rather
than wasting it. To illustrate, after doing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work for the whole week, families utilize the weekends to the fullest.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more wealth, and enjoy the holidays and weekends to their desires.

Is finance everything? No. There is a group which believes that enjoying life is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than putting it in a time-table and calendar. When a person becomes busier to stay wealthy, the family faces the consequences. To illustrate, in most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
where the parents are working and do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their kids during weekdays, the kids develop a feeling of isolation. This will have a dire
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "to". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence to
the
next
generation's health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
said, it is evident that spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the riches.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
mulled over above information and deliberating all the facts, it can
be deducted
that importance of financial strength and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for everyone.
However
, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a balance of both of these is paramount. While making money, one should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
infused in his work that he forgets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
his life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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