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The promoters of social media claim that they are connecting people and enabling people to share like never before. While critics claim that social media site often impinges upon one’s privacy. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

The promoters of social media claim that they are connecting people and enabling people to share like never before. While critics claim that social media site often impinges upon one’s privacy. v. 2
Social networking platform endorsers think that they are allowing public to connect and share the information better. However, others believe that these sites generally have negative impact on people’s privacy. In my opinion, I consider that online communication helps people to enhance their skills by sharing their interests. On the one hand, some media promoters think that networking platforms are effectively helping people to communicate and share their information with others from all over the world and I agree. The reason for this is that these websites are facilitating platforms to connect with family, friends and acquaintances who are residing in alien lands. For instance, sites such as Facebook, Google have both audio and video calling options which enables public to call world-wide. Furthermore, group forums allows sharing of common interests which can be helpful to enhance one’s skills. As a result, some people may end up with lucrative jobs in their respective fields. On the other hand, it is often believed that privacy is the major concern while using the communication platforms. As people are sharing too much of personal information, online predators are hacking their emails to hold them for ransom. Moreover, cyber bulling has become pressing issue. Any non-familiar persons can pester with intimidating comments on a profile and this can have debilitating effect on that account holder’s image. For example, recently Aishwaraya rai, a famous celebrity has been body shamed on Twitter when she posted her post pregnancy photographs. Therefore, posting private details on public platforms can be detrimental. In conclusion, while there is divergence of opinion regarding social media sites, I think that they are benefitting people with their features to effectively connect and share details if they can take necessary safety measures and avoid sharing private details.
Social networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
endorsers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are allowing public to connect and share the information better.
However
, others believe that these sites
generally
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
privacy. In my opinion, I consider that online communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
their interests.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
media promoters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
are
effectively
helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate and share their information with others from all over the world and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
The reason for this is
that these websites are facilitating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
to connect with family, friends and acquaintances who are residing in alien lands.
For instance
, sites such as Facebook, Google
The singular proper name 'Google' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
both audio and video calling options which enables public to call world-wide.
Furthermore
, group forums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
of common interests which can be helpful to enhance one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with lucrative jobs in their respective fields.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that privacy is the major concern while using the communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
too much of personal information, online predators are hacking their emails to hold them for ransom.
Moreover
, cyber bulling has become pressing issue. Any non-familiar persons can pester with intimidating comments on a profile and this can have debilitating effect on that account holder’s image.
For example
, recently
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aishwaraya
Possible spelling mistake found.
rai
, a
Consider using "celebrity".
famous celebrity
has been body shamed on Twitter when she posted her post pregnancy photographs.
Therefore
, posting private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
can be detrimental.

In conclusion
, while there is divergence of opinion regarding social media sites, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their features to
effectively
connect and share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
if they can take necessary safety measures and avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay The promoters of social media claim that they are connecting people and enabling people to share like never before. While critics claim that social media site often impinges upon one’s privacy. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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