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According to most doctors, adults need thirty minutes of physical activity at least five days a week to be healthy. However, most adults do not get this recommended amount of exercise. What can be done to help people get the exercise they need? Give examples to support your answer. v.1

According to most doctors, adults need thirty minutes of physical activity at least five days a week to be healthy. However, most adults do not get this recommended amount of exercise. What can be done to help people get the exercise they need? Give examples to support your answer. v. 1
In nowadays world, with advancing medical responsibility, people are getting lazier and lazier day by day. This is a result of a lack in help care provided to the residents' strength. Likewise, well-being are being disregarded due to the growth in community health care service. People are no longer scared of diseases or eventually, death. It is believed to be the cause of the lack of physical activities. No denying that with all those physical activities being removed, people are acquiring a bad lifestyle. Then, What can be done to minimize the negative effects? Firstly In addition to the great optimization in technology advancing skills, more and more digital electricians are being sold out on the market trade. People will now on can keep track of their health and know if anything went wrong without going to the doctors. Secondly, Coupled with that, the watch can also measure all of yours biorhythm and means while, it has a certain impact on your health conditions. Yet to say that those are not really beneficial for people of all kinds. Observations pointed out that people with pathological will get a lower possibility of a higher effective result compared to people with no pathological. However, still, there is no doubt that smart watches are smart choices for people who want to be in great conditions. Another thing that is equally relevant to this issue is called traditional fitness restraint methods. It is noticeable that about half of the people in the world gets traditional strength care every year and those end up very efficient. Traditional health care such as massage are proven to bring you relax from all those tenses at work during the week, just as much as walking does. Moreover, when you get traditional treatment, it is not only your brain getting relaxed but so do your inner body systems. It can help reduce the chance of getting heart disease and slow down the speed of aging. Thus, this has proven very efficient and convenient. However, on the one side, one should not forget that tradition treatment may require a lot of time and some of you may approach it as a bad sign. Still, one must admit that this is 100% an ideal way to keep you in fit and great conditions. In addition, I'm now convinced that there are still many great ways to live in this brand new era of technology. Likewise, people can still take great responsibility of their fitness and save time. Summarising, thought life had changed, but there are many ways to take responsibility for your health.
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
In nowadays
world, with advancing medical responsibility,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting lazier and lazier day by day. This is a result of a lack in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
provided to the residents' strength.
Likewise
, well-being are
being disregarded
due to the growth in community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
service.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are no longer scared of diseases or
eventually
, death. It
is believed
to be the cause of the lack of physical activities. No denying that with all those physical activities
being removed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are acquiring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
lifestyle. Then, What can
be done
to minimize the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects?

Firstly
In addition
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
optimization in technology advancing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, more and more digital electricians are
being sold
out on the market trade.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
on can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and know if anything went
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
without going to the doctors.
Secondly
, Coupled with that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
can
also
measure all of yours biorhythm and means while, it has a certain impact on your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions.
Yet
to say that those are not
really
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all kinds. Observations pointed out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with pathological will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a lower possibility of a higher effective result compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with no pathological.
However
,
still
, there is no doubt that smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
are smart choices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to be in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
conditions.

Another thing
that is
equally
relevant to this issue
is called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
fitness restraint methods. It is noticeable that about half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
strength
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
every year and those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
efficient.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
such as massage
are proven
to bring you relax from all those tenses at work during the week,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as much as walking does.
Moreover
, when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
treatment, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
your brain getting relaxed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
do your inner body systems. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chance of getting heart disease and slow down the speed of aging.
Thus
, this has proven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
efficient and convenient.
However
, on the one side, one should not forget that tradition treatment may require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of you may approach it as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
.
Still
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that this is 100% an ideal way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
you in fit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
conditions.

In addition
, I'm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
convinced that there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
era of technology.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
still
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
responsibility of their fitness and save time.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Summarising' is British English.
Summarising
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
life had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to take responsibility for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay According to most doctors, adults need thirty minutes of physical activity at least five days a week to be healthy. However, most adults do not get this recommended amount of exercise. What can be done to help people get the exercise they need? Give examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
432 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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