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Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. v. 1
Some people believe that being rich does not always make one happy. In this essay I will clarify why I totally agree with this viewpoint. Not all affluent people are satisfied with their lives. This is because emotions and feelings are not physical things that can be bought and sold with money. For example, a rich person who suffers from an untreatable condition, such as cancer, would live a miserable life despite having a lot of money. Therefore, in my personal opinion, I believe that being wealthy does not gurarantee us a happy life. Furthermore, some life circumstances can make on dissatisfied with his life in spite of being rich. In addition, being wealthy makes it difficult for people to have a peace of mind. This is owing to the fact that one would pay a big deal of attention to preserve his wealth. For instance, an affluent man, who owns four shops, would devote a lot of focus to his possessions, which in turn would be stressful to his mind. In contrast, a person, who is neither poor nor rich, would not be bothered by possessing wealth. Thus, being affluent, in some cases, can be negative to one's state of mind. To conclude, although being rich can be a positive thing, I agree that wealth does not guarantee happiness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
does not always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one happy. In this essay I will clarify why I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint.

Not all affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are satisfied
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
emotions and feelings are not physical things that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
and sold with money.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
person who suffers from an untreatable condition, such as cancer, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a miserable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.
Therefore
, in my personal opinion, I believe that being wealthy does not
Possible spelling mistake found.
gurarantee
us a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
circumstances can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
on dissatisfied with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
being rich.

In addition
, being wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have a peace of mind. This is owing to the fact that one would pay a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal of attention to preserve his wealth.
For instance
, an affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
four shops, would devote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
focus to his possessions, which in turn would be stressful to his mind.
In contrast
, a person, who is neither poor nor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
, would not
be bothered
by possessing wealth.
Thus
, being affluent, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
to one's state of mind.

To conclude
, although being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that wealth does not guarantee happiness.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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