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Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 2
Our emotions make us humans, we experience a sense of joy and exhilaration when we achieve our goals. While there are newer ways to rapidly grow our personal wealth thanks to the introduction of technology and digital communications, is it possible to replace a family dinner or watching the first steps of your child? In this essay, I will explain why I disagree that being wealthy guarantees happiness. A couple of reasons why wealth is not only a burden but also quite costly. First of all, it becomes a burden when wealth has been a product of stress and tears of pain. All the effort put into one goal solely to make money, can easily turn into a big sense of loss. Secondly, the anxiety that comes from having large amounts of money, just translates to having to spend more for it to be safe, thus increasing the amount of responsibilities and potential problems in life. For instance, the need to pay for personal security, video vigilance infrastructure and other security features will quickly sum up to a hefty annuity. Humans have evolved mainly when confronted with scarcity and danger. The more we don’t change, the more inclined we are to become lazy, which is why humans need motivation. In my opinion, this is the main reason why we cannot equal happiness with wealth, because our minds cannot change the way they work, only because we have more or less money. Provided that we are a social species, having everything and not being able to share it with anyone is a great example of unhappiness. In conclusion, wealth can make all sorts of superficial and materialistic wishes come true, but that does not mean we can guarantee happiness with them. It is a matter of personal growth and tenacity that build up towards a winning attitude, consequently boosting our happiness in a sustainable, long and joyful life.
Our emotions
make
us humans, we experience a sense of joy and exhilaration when we achieve our goals. While there are newer ways to
rapidly
grow our personal
wealth
thanks to the introduction of technology and digital communications, is it possible to replace a family dinner or watching the
first
steps of your child? In this essay, I will
explain
why I disagree that being wealthy guarantees happiness.

A couple of reasons why
wealth
is not
only
a burden
but
also
quite costly.
First of all
, it becomes a burden when
wealth
has been a product of
stress
and tears of pain. All the effort put into one goal
solely
to
make
money, can
easily
turn into a
big
sense of loss.
Secondly
, the anxiety that
comes
from having large amounts of money,
just
translates to having to spend more for it to be safe,
thus
increasing the amount of responsibilities and potential problems in life.
For instance
, the need to pay for personal security, video vigilance infrastructure and other security features will
quickly
sum up to a hefty annuity.

Humans have evolved
mainly
when confronted with scarcity and
danger
. The more we don’t
change
, the more inclined we are to become lazy, which is why humans need motivation. In my opinion, this is the main reason why we cannot equal happiness with
wealth
,
because
our minds cannot
change
the way they work,
only
because
we have more or less money. Provided that we are a social species, having everything and not being able to share it with anyone is a great example of unhappiness.

In conclusion
,
wealth
can
make
all sorts of superficial and materialistic wishes
come
true,
but
that does not mean we can guarantee happiness with them. It is a matter of personal growth and tenacity that build up towards a winning attitude,
consequently
boosting our happiness in a sustainable, long and joyful life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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