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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? v.1

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? v. 1
Although some people are of the opinion that governmental authorities have to take charge of their residents’ poor economic situation, I believe that affluent countries should give a hand to poorer nations. From my own perspective, rich countries need to help poorer ones enhance their financial position; this is because this help is very valuable in terms of humanity. For instance, right after the disastrous Tsunami and its detrimental consequences, local people would not have had the ability to rehabilitate if financial aids had not been provided by other countries. Therefore, offering help to economically unstable countries has become a tremendously crucial step towards a more prosperous mankind. In addition, guiding other nations’ citizens through ups and downs is very beneficial and advantageous for many reasons. Firstly, it deepens the relations between different countries around the globe, thus transforming the world into one gigantic village. Moreover, the greater is the help offered, the more future cooperation is anticipated among different countries; accordingly, it is a win-win situation. Finally, the vast majority of the poorer countries’ governments lack sufficient resources to upgrade their nations’ economies, hence rendering external assistance compulsory. To conclude, despite the fact that some people state that governments are responsible for their countries’ inhabitants, I would argue that international guidance is of a paramount importance.
Although
some
people
are of the opinion that governmental authorities
have to
take charge of their residents’ poor economic situation, I believe that affluent
countries
should give a hand to poorer nations.

From my
own
perspective, rich
countries
need to
help
poorer ones enhance their financial position; this is
because
this
help
is
very
valuable in terms of humanity.
For instance
, right after the disastrous Tsunami and its detrimental consequences, local
people
would not have had the ability to rehabilitate if financial aids had not
been provided
by other
countries
.
Therefore
, offering
help
to
economically
unstable
countries
has become a
tremendously
crucial step towards a more prosperous mankind.

In addition
, guiding other nations’ citizens through ups and downs is
very
beneficial and advantageous for
many
reasons.
Firstly
, it deepens the relations between
different
countries
around the globe,
thus
transforming the world into one gigantic village.
Moreover
, the greater is the
help
offered, the more future cooperation
is anticipated
among
different
countries
;
accordingly
, it is a win-win situation.
Finally
, the vast majority of the poorer
countries’
governments
lack sufficient resources to upgrade their nations’ economies,
hence
rendering external assistance compulsory.

To conclude
, despite the fact that
some
people
state that
governments
are responsible for their
countries’
inhabitants, I would argue that international guidance is of a paramount importance.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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