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We should pay attention to the opinions of famous people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

We should pay attention to the opinions of famous people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
It is not uncommon that a large number of criminals are inclined to re-offend further immediately after being released from jail. I am of the opinion that the root reason for this tendency is the lack of having a source of livelihood perpetually. However, I believe that this matter is not insurmountable, providing that some course of actions are implemented properly. One of the underlying factors to justify why many offenders show an inclination to commit crimes when coming out of prisons is that how to spend their lives is a matter of concern for them. In other words, they are unable to satisfy their requirements because either they do not have any practical skills which is suitable for the needs of the job market, or they face that none of entrepreneurs show a tendency to recruit them due to their criminal records. For these reasons, it is highly likely that many of them become frustrated and suffer from psychological disorders, as they realize that without a job is virtually impossible to meet their basic needs, such as food, shelter, clothes, and so forth. Under this circumstance, offenders are obliged to commit offences, even much worse than the previous one they did, causing devastating ramifications not only for themselves, but also for the whole society as well. However, I have a contention that despite the seriousness of this problem, it can be remedied if a combination of measures is taken into account by legislators. In fact, the most effective solution might be that when delinquent people are sent to jails, participating in vocational training courses becomes mandatory for them. This scheme, if implemented accurately, will boost their future employability. Another positive method would be that financial incentives are given to manufacturers who endeavor to employ criminals, finishing their imprisonment and attempting to reform their criminal behavior. For instance, in some countries, it has become commonplace that businessmen are exempted from paying the tax if they hire offenders who show an expertise in a specific field. In conclusion, in my opinion, the main culprit to explain why some folks get involved in committing offence further after being set from jail is the lack of income, resulting in not being able to fulfil their needs. However, this issue is solvable if some steps are taken by decision makers.
It is not uncommon that
a large number of
criminals
are inclined
to re-offend
further
immediately after
being released
from jail. I am of the opinion that the root reason for this tendency is the lack of having a source of livelihood
perpetually
.
However
, I believe that this matter is not insurmountable, providing that
some
course of actions
are implemented
properly
.

One of the underlying factors to justify why
many
offenders
show
an inclination to commit crimes when coming out of prisons is that how to spend their
lives
is a matter of concern for them.
In other words
, they are unable to satisfy their requirements
because
either they do not have any practical
skills
which is suitable for the needs of the job market, or they face that none of entrepreneurs
show
a tendency to recruit them due to their
criminal
records. For these reasons, it is
highly
likely that
many
of them become frustrated and suffer from psychological disorders, as they realize that without a job is
virtually
impossible to
meet
their basic needs, such as food, shelter, clothes, and
so
forth. Under this circumstance, offenders
are obliged
to commit
offences
, even much worse than the previous one they did, causing devastating ramifications not
only
for themselves,
but
also
for the whole society
as well
.

However
, I have a contention that despite the seriousness of this problem, it can
be remedied
if a combination of measures
is taken
into account by legislators. In fact, the most effective solution might be that when delinquent
people
are
sent
to jails, participating in vocational training courses becomes mandatory for them. This scheme, if implemented
accurately
, will boost their future employability. Another
positive
method would be that financial incentives are
given
to manufacturers who endeavor to employ
criminals
, finishing their imprisonment and attempting to reform their
criminal
behavior.
For instance
, in
some
countries, it has become commonplace that businessmen
are exempted
from paying the tax if they hire offenders who
show
an expertise in a specific field.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, the main culprit to
explain
why
some
folks
get
involved in committing
offence
further
after
being set
from jail is the lack of income, resulting in not being able to fulfil their needs.
However
, this issue is solvable if
some
steps
are taken
by decision makers.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay We should pay attention to the opinions of famous people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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