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These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school. What are the reasons for this? How can it be dealt with? v.2

These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school. What are the reasons for this? How can it be dealt with? v. 2
There has been a remarkable increase in the number of students who slog on with respect to focus on the lessons while teachers are teaching in recent years. It is clearly possible that there are lots of underlying reasons why students are in this situation. In this essay, I will express some of the essential causes in relation to this bad case and solutions. On the one hand, I will start by looking at the reason. It is fairly clear that, technological devices have entered at all stages of our lives. Thereby, we can obviously see a phone on hand of the pupils. Furthermore, they can use the telephones during the lesson constantly. If we take into account being free whilst they are going to school, this maybe harmful for them. As a result of this, it is impossible to concentrate the lecture by the teens. According to many expert reports, such breakthroughs prevent students from learning or focusing on vital subjects. On the other hand, it is possible to vanish this destructive manner. Therefore, some authorities can obstruct this situation by taking some measures. In addition, parents have a great role in order to lessen this. For example, children can use their phones providing that the lesson finished. That is to say, it must be banned gadgets so that students be more interested in their subject. According to great numbers of successful students’ interviews, one of the secrets of accomplishment is abstaining from the charm of technological inventions for a while particularly mobile phones. To sum up, when looked at these problems, in light of this information above, it can be clearly said that the solution of these problems is not impossible. However, there are many things that should be done by the parents, teachers, and students as I mentioned before.
There has been a remarkable increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who slog on with respect to focus on the lessons while teachers are teaching in recent years. It is
clearly
possible that there are lots of underlying reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are in this situation. In this essay, I will express
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
essential causes in relation to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
case and solutions.

On the one hand, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
by looking at the reason. It is
fairly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, technological devices have entered at all stages of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Thereby, we can
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a phone on hand of the pupils.
Furthermore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the telephones during the lesson
constantly
. If we take into account being free whilst they are going to school, this maybe harmful for them.
As a result
of this, it is impossible to concentrate the lecture by the teens. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
expert reports, such breakthroughs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from learning or focusing on vital subjects.

On the other hand
, it is possible to vanish this destructive manner.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
authorities can obstruct this situation by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures.
In addition
, parents have a great role in order to lessen this.
For example
, children can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their phones providing that the lesson finished.
That is
to say, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be banned
gadgets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
be more interested in their subject. According to great numbers of successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
interviews, one of the secrets of accomplishment is abstaining from the charm of technological inventions for a while
particularly
mobile phones.

To sum up, when looked at these problems, in light of this information above, it can be
clearly
said that the solution of these problems is not impossible.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that should
be done
by the parents, teachers, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school. What are the reasons for this? How can it be dealt with? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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