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Write an essay discussing two of the ways to collect and record information in your notes. You should explain which way you think would be more effective for collecting and recording information for future generations, giving reasons in support of your answer. v.1

Write an essay discussing two of the ways to collect and record information in your notes. You should explain which way you think would be more effective for collecting and recording information for future generations, giving reasons in support of your answer. v. 1
Many of us like to look back at events that occurred during our younger years. We like to reminisce, make connections with past experiences. It is important to share our life story with family. And, there are different kind of tools to collect and record past events and experiences. To begin with, one of efficient and the most popular tools to record is digital devices such as telephones and cameras because while using these tools, people have accumulated memories easily and they can look them whenever they want to. For instance, when ı was in London in 2016, taking many photos and recording videos every day. And today ı can find all of them by searching for my phone. I think that it is the most effective way to remember and reminisce them to the next generations. I could see my whole memory by just clicking on the screen. On the other hand, a traditional diary may help people to convey all past and current everyday life and thoughts to the future generations. It can be a great way of capturing your life with feelings and emotions with words. However, diaries are very personal and it is hard to maintain writing your diary throughout your life, especially into adulthood. Moreover, people can not copy and save them. In my opinion, preventing them is more difficult because of being paper. That is why ı do not prefer only this style. To sum up, there are a couple of ways how to collect and record memories. Personally, ı prefer using both digital tools and personal diary by being hardcopy, and digital to save and tell the stories to next generation. Everyone can choose which one is suitable and easy for them to convey the future generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of us like to look back at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that occurred during our younger years. We like to reminisce,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
connections with
Consider using "experiences".
past experiences
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to share our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
story with family. And, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "kinds"?
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
to collect and record past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and experiences.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of efficient and the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
to record is digital devices such as telephones and cameras
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have accumulated memories
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
they can look them whenever they want to.
For instance
, when ı was in London in 2016, taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
photos and recording videos every day. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
ı can find all of them by searching for my phone. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the most effective way to remember and reminisce them to the
next
generations. I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
my whole memory by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
clicking on the screen.

On the other hand
, a traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diary
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to convey all past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and thoughts to the future generations. It can be a great way of capturing your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with feelings and emotions with words.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diaries
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
personal and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to maintain writing your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diary
throughout your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
especially
into adulthood.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can not copy and save them. In my opinion, preventing them is more difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of being paper.
That is
why ı do not prefer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this style.

To sum up, there are a couple of ways how to collect and record memories.
Personally
, ı prefer using both digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diary
by being
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardcopy
, and digital to save and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the stories to
next
generation. Everyone can choose which one is suitable and easy for them to convey the future generations.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Write an essay discussing two of the ways to collect and record information in your notes. You should explain which way you think would be more effective for collecting and recording information for future generations, giving reasons in support of your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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