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We live today in an electronic information age. It is easier to be connected by technology yet many people seem no closer to feeling happy in their lives. Discuss. v.3

We live today in an electronic information age. It is easier to be connected by technology yet many people seem no closer to feeling happy in their lives. Discuss. v. 3
The information technology era, that people in today. Evidently makes our life quick and easy. One person can contact via computers with others at anytime at any place. But does this makes people happier? Generally speaking, Happiness depends upon factors such as food, shelter, and also on a satisfactory job. Moreover, love with family and friends. Whereas, in this modern communication age, the ways for happiness is varies among people. One argument to put forward is that, with the help of technology, a man can do a plethora of things quickly. Typically people send their integral information through e-mails and also chatting with colleagues and their loved ones online. Furthermore, online-shopping is also quite popular. To be more precise, in this jet-set world, people have plenty of work to do. Therefore, they have a hectic schedule as well as limited time. Consequently, with the help of technology they can save their time and money. For instance, online shopping sites such as Amazon, Myntra and many others sites related to Banking, Hotels booking, online food delivering and many more offered a huge discount to their customers. So in this way people saved their time and expenses. Consequently, when time and moey is saved it give happiness to a person. On the other hand, it seems that, Technology isolates the man, which leads to mental ailments such as depression, stress and ofcourse suicide rates are also increasing among the technosavy generation. What this means is, they cannot able to share their personal feelings with others which makes them unhappier. Frequently, lifestyle of a person is changing, it can be seen that talking with whole family in a one room has been replaced by online-chatting. In compendium, given the aforementioned view points, it is crystal clear that, Happiness is hard to define. From my perspective, Technology makes the life of people easier which is a positive development. Even so, it would seem that quality of our relationships and modern technology are unrelated. Afterall, it is only a tool which can be handled.
The information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
era, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Evidently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
our life quick and easy. One person can contact via computers with others at anytime at any place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
does this
Did you mean "make"?
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happier?
Generally
speaking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
depends upon factors such as food, shelter, and
also
on a satisfactory job.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with family and friends. Whereas, in this modern communication age, the ways for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is varies among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

One argument to put forward is that, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
can do a plethora of things
quickly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Typically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their integral information through e-mails and
also
chatting with colleagues and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones online.
Furthermore
, online-shopping is
also
quite popular. To be more precise, in this jet-set world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of work to do.
Therefore
, they have a hectic schedule
as well
as limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Consequently
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
they can save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money.
For instance
, online shopping sites such as Amazon,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Myntra
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others sites related to Banking, Hotels booking, online food delivering and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more offered a huge discount to their customers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in this way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
saved their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and expenses.
Consequently
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
moey
is saved
it give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to a person.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it seems that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
isolates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, which leads to mental ailments such as depression,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ofcourse
suicide rates are
also
increasing among the
Possible spelling mistake found.
technosavy
generation. What this means is, they
Did you mean "cannot be able"?
cannot able
to share their personal feelings with others which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them unhappier.
Frequently
, lifestyle of a person is changing, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that talking with whole family in a one room has
been replaced
by online-chatting.

In compendium,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the aforementioned view points, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to define. From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easier which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it would seem that quality of our relationships and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are unrelated
.
Did you mean "after all"?
Afterall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a tool which can
be handled
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay We live today in an electronic information age. It is easier to be connected by technology yet many people seem no closer to feeling happy in their lives. Discuss. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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