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Nowadays information can be accessed on electronic devices so print media like magazine and newspapers are not important and people should use electronic devices to get information. v.1

Nowadays information can be accessed on electronic devices so print media like magazine and newspapers are not important and people should use electronic devices to get information. v. 1
In the modern world, people want to get information about the every aspect of life easily and instantly. With the advancement in technology, an individual can access the information through electronic devices like computer, mobile phones, the internet etc. and thus the print media is losing its popularity. I agree with this statement that people should adopt the new technology and use electronic devices to get information rather than old ways of getting them. Multifarious points are there to prove my view. Firstly, accessing information in a computer with internet connection is very fast and convenient. People just need to enter a keyword in the search engine such as Google and the information can be assessed instantly from various reliable sources with detailed references. Secondly, individual have the opportunity to get different views regarding one particular subject which help them to broaden their horizons. Thirdly, today everybody wants to live a comfortable lifestyle and they have no need to carry other things and no need to pay extra on print media. Finally, the information presented in a print media becomes outdated soon while the information on the internet gets updated regularly. So accessing information from electronic sources is more reliable and accurate. On the other hand, some people ponder that magazines and newspapers play an essential role because elder people do not know the 'ABC' about electronic gadgets so they are unable to use them to access information. They also add the logic that, on the internet, English is a staple language but some part of the population is not familiar with English which is really tough to understand for them. Finally, they assert that newspapers, magazines and books are printed in each language which provides them with a comfortable way of accessing them. In a nutshell, I would like to conclude that government should organise awareness program for elders how they can use electronic devices because we all need to live in a modern society. The old way of accessing information would not be feasible in near future and people would mainly rely on the electronic device to get them.
In the modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the every aspect of life
easily
and
instantly
. With the advancement in technology, an individual can access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
like computer, mobile phones, the internet etc. and
thus
the print media is losing its popularity. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should adopt the new technology and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ways of getting them.

Multifarious points are there to prove my view.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in a computer with internet connection is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and convenient.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to enter a keyword in the search engine such as Google and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can
be assessed
instantly
from various reliable sources with detailed references.
Secondly
, individual have the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views regarding one particular subject which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to broaden their horizons.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
everybody wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a comfortable
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lifestyle and
they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to carry other things and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to pay extra on print media.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
presented in a print media becomes outdated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
updated
regularly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
sources is more reliable and accurate.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ponder that magazines and newspapers play an essential role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not know the 'ABC' about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
gadgets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
the logic that, on the internet, English is a staple language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the population is not familiar with English which is
really
tough to understand for them.
Finally
, they assert that newspapers, magazines and books
are printed
in each language which provides them with a comfortable way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accessing
them.

In a nutshell, I would like
to conclude
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
awareness program for elders how they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a modern society. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
would not be feasible in near future and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
mainly
rely on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays information can be accessed on electronic devices so print media like magazine and newspapers are not important and people should use electronic devices to get information. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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