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Do you agree or disagree? If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying. v.134

If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying. v. 134
Modernization has been always a demanding challenge in many part of world. In term of working, it is suggested that career is important part of human life. Whether or not people ought to choose safe duty or pleasure jobs is controversial. According what I generally believe, having protected career is more important than satisfy job, because opportunity of safe job is limited and with safe job human can learn skill. The main reasons why I believe that safe career is most important of safe job is because chance of secret job is bounded. To elaborate on my point, since number of people who need proper job are increasing, it is important to have safe jobs with fixed salary. In other word, in this age people really need money to attain goal and continuing life. A significant example that strikes my mind is about my life. When my brother graduated from university, he really wanted suitable jobs. After several time he was able to find secret jobs, but he did not pleasure feel about career. In this situation have safe jobs is impotent not satisfying about job. In addition, I believe that people with certain jobs, after sometimes they find comfortable sense for duty. In my opinion, employer with safe jobs not only gain experience but also learn skill. Therefore, they can use this experience for starting own company and jobs. Owing to having valuable knowledge, they would have success company. A quite clear example would be my friends' business. When my friend wanted start work, she went to Barezz Company. She did not like jobs, but it was safe career. Thus, she decided work at Barezz and gain experience and skill. After 5 years, she could stablish her own association and she is really success person. To conclude, I agree hold the opinion that protected career is best choice for having duty. In this age competition for attain safe job is higher than past; as result, it is significant to have safe jobs. Also, people can gain experience and earn skill.
Modernization has been always a demanding challenge in
Possible agreement error. The noun part seems to be countable; consider using: "many parts".
many part
of world. In term of working, it
is suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
part of human life.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ought to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safe
duty or pleasure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is controversial.
It appears that a preposition is missing after 'According'.
According what
I
generally
believe, having protected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than satisfy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
opportunity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is limited
and with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
human can learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

The main reasons why I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
chance of secret
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is bounded
. To elaborate on my point, since number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
are increasing, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
salary. In other word, in this age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
need money to attain goal and continuing life. A significant example that strikes my mind is about my life. When my brother graduated from university, he
really
wanted suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. After
Possible agreement error. The noun time seems to be countable; consider using: "several times".
several time
he was able to find secret
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he did not pleasure feel about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. In this situation have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is impotent not satisfying about job.

In addition
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they find comfortable sense for duty.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, employer with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
Therefore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
for starting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Owing to having valuable knowledge, they would have success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. A quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example would be my
Possible spelling mistake found.
friends&
#039; business. When my friend wanted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
work, she went to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Barezz
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
. She did not like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
Thus
, she decided work at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Barezz
and gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. After 5 years, she could
Possible spelling mistake found.
stablish
her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
association and
she is
really
success person.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
hold the opinion that protected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
choice for having duty. In this age competition for attain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is higher than past; as result, it is significant to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying. v. 134

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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