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We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious on their benefits? v.9

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious on their benefits? v. 9
Technology has expanded on a large scale, it is being used in almost every like hospitality, investigation department, health centres, in trading and much more. The dependency on processor's have both pros and cons which are discussed in an upcoming paragraph. There is no denying the fact that gadgets have become part and parcel of life, they have made our task more convenient. Firstly, it has reduced workload of maintaining record; before the invention of computer documents were maintained manually and were stored in safe place which was a task of responsibility, but now laptops are introduced and they have reduced the pressure of task, it has become easy to keep notes and if one has to search any previous recorded papers that can be easily searched by one click. Secondly, with the help of applied science many new machines are being invented, for example "Robots"; these automations are very productive, thought many countries are planning to make clones which can be used at border instead of soldiers so during wars a nation will not lose fighters. On the flip side, there are some demerits as well. Humans have become slaves of machinery. For instance, modern school education is screen based so students have no opportunity to learn even basic multiplication and addition, which is affecting their mental growth. In addition, youth spends maximum time on tablets by surfing, watching web series, Et Cetra. Instead of going out and playing outdoor games, this addiction of gadgets is making them couch potatoes due to that they are suffering from many health diseases such as heart problems, breathing problems and many more. To wrap it up, technology has both positive and negative impacts on society anyhow merits overweight demerits. Screens are very useful gadgets if used in limit as they make job more convenient.
Technology has expanded on a large scale, it is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in almost every like hospitality, investigation department, health
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, in trading and much more. The dependency on processor's have both pros and cons which
are discussed
in an upcoming paragraph.

There is no denying the fact that gadgets have become part and parcel of life, they have made our task more convenient.
Firstly
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
workload of maintaining record;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the invention of computer documents
were maintained
manually
and
were stored
in safe place which was a task of responsibility,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
laptops are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
introduced and
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the pressure of task, it has become easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
notes and if one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
search any previous recorded papers that can be
easily
searched by one click.
Secondly
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of applied science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new machines are
being invented
,
for example
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Robots
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
; these automations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
productive,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are planning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
clones which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
at border
instead
of soldiers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
during wars a nation will not lose fighters.

On the flip side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits
as well
. Humans have become slaves of machinery.
For instance
, modern school education is screen based
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
students have no opportunity to learn even basic multiplication and addition, which is affecting their mental growth.
In addition
, youth spends maximum time on tablets by surfing, watching web series,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
.
Instead
of going out and playing outdoor games, this addiction of gadgets is making them couch potatoes due to that they are suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health diseases such as heart problems, breathing problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.

To wrap it up, technology has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on society anyhow merits overweight demerits. Screens are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful gadgets if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in limit as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
job more convenient.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious on their benefits? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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