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Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. v. 5
There is a lingering debate over whether an enjoyable hobby requires to be challenging. Some individuals consider a hobby needs to be difficult so people will feel entertaining. To see if this statement holds water, we should take numerous aspects into account before making the decision. There is no difficulty in understanding why people believe a demanding hobby brings more amusement for people. An arduous hobby needs people to devote much time and energy to participating in it; hence, they can push their limits and learn new things during the process. Individuals, moreover, will acquire a sense of achievement when engaged in a demanding hobby. For example, film editing is quite tricky, including a high level of knowledge, and must spend a considerable time digging into it. Therefore, when reaching a high level of performance, hobbies give us more pleasure and the feeling of contentment and accomplishment. On the other side, for certain groups, an easy hobby is more enjoyable. Due to immense competitiveness in the workplace, people work in a stressful environment and shoulder heavy burdens on job duties every day, so doing demanding activities is likely to impose more pressure on individuals. Therefore, some simple hobbies provide more relaxation and entertainment. For instance, although reading and painting is easy, they are good ways for people to unwind from stress. While immersing themselves in them, people can gain better rest and refresh their body and mind. To conclude, because of the hectic work schedule, people today dedicate much effort and time to job assignments. Consequently, some individuals deem that taking up easy hobbies brings more entertainment; nonetheless, from my perspective, doing some arduous hobbies are more enjoyable since they push people boundaries and broaden people horizons on different scopes.
There is a lingering debate over whether an enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
requires to be challenging.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
needs to be difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will feel entertaining. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if this statement holds water, we should take numerous aspects into account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making the decision.

There is no difficulty in understanding why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe a demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
brings more amusement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. An arduous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to devote much time and energy to participating in it;
hence
, they can push their limits and learn new things during the process.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
,
moreover
, will acquire a sense of achievement when engaged in a demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
.
For example
, film editing is quite tricky, including a high level of knowledge, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend a considerable time digging into it.
Therefore
, when reaching a high level of performance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
give us more pleasure and the feeling of contentment and accomplishment.

On the other side, for certain groups, an easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is more enjoyable. Due to immense competitiveness in the workplace,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work in a stressful environment and shoulder heavy burdens on job duties every day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
doing demanding activities is likely to impose more pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
provide more relaxation and entertainment.
For instance
, although reading and painting is easy, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ways for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to unwind from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. While immersing themselves in them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gain better rest and refresh their body and mind.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the hectic work schedule,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
dedicate much effort and time to job assignments.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
deem that taking up easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
brings more entertainment; nonetheless, from my perspective, doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arduous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are more enjoyable since they push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
boundaries and broaden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
horizons on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
scopes.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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