Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits? v.2

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits? v. 2
With the invention of artificial intelligent devices infamously known as computers, mankind has managed to take a step forward towards evolution. However, during the process they have become ignorant and shackled by the addiction to the man-made machinery. Will this situation turn out for better or worse? And at what role will computers play in our future? Speaking in terms of the future, these electronic devices could take different forms and shapes. Instead of metal boxes they could have humanoid and animalistic attributes that would allow them to partake in numerous societies. As a result, they might be able to closely analyse various reactions and take close-up shots for data. Moreover, with their unlimited storage space and talents to preserve they would manage to reap the benefits without extra costs. However, there are certain drawbacks to consider as well. To cite an example from Steve Jobs, " artificial intelligence shall either be the greatest innovation or the worst downfall of humanity". As previously pursued by writers and directors, these machinery may create personas and adopt characteristics that would overwhelm humans. They would be able to overthrow countries in other positions, making unfitting decisions leading to the destruction of property as well as data. While it's safe to say that computers are the pillars of our modern society, they bear too much of our weight and sooner or later, we'll trample beneath them. Therefore, in order to avoid an apocalyptic future we must take a few matters into our own hands and accomplish them the tradition way.
With the invention of artificial intelligent devices
infamously
known as computers, mankind has managed to take a step forward towards evolution.
However
, during the process they have become ignorant and shackled by the addiction to the
man
-made machinery. Will this situation turn out for better or worse? And at what role will computers play in our future?

Speaking in terms of the future, these electronic devices could take
different
forms and shapes.
Instead
of metal boxes they could have humanoid and animalistic attributes that would
allow
them to partake in numerous societies.
As a result
, they might be able to
closely
analyse
various reactions and take close-up shots for data.
Moreover
, with their unlimited storage space and talents to preserve they would manage to reap the benefits without extra costs.

However
, there are certain drawbacks to consider
as well
. To cite an example from Steve Jobs,
"
artificial intelligence shall either be the greatest innovation or the worst downfall of humanity
"
. As previously pursued by writers and directors,
these machinery
may create personas and adopt characteristics that would overwhelm humans. They would be able to overthrow countries in other positions, making unfitting decisions leading to the destruction of property
as well
as data.

While it's safe to say that computers are the pillars of our modern society, they bear too much of our weight and sooner or later, we'll trample beneath them.
Therefore
, in order to avoid an apocalyptic future we
must
take a few matters into our
own
hands and accomplish them the tradition way.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts