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Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
Taking a gap year to travel or work after graduating high schools has gained increasing popularity recently. Despite drawbacks this phenomenon brings to us, its values are more significant. Students can be faced with some problems when they make a decision on a gap year. The first disadvantage is that it is time-consuming. The reason is that while they are on their journey, others attend to universities, which equips them necessary knowledge and skills with a view to joining in workforce immediately after graduating. Other than that, seeking employment after finishing programs in high schools can make their career paths limited. This is because some jobs, particularly white-collar jobs or ones with an attractive pay package, usually require academic degrees, which means that students can be only low-income earners if they follow this trend. On the other hand, people can reap great benefits from the gap year. First of all, it relieves their financial burdens. The school fees in institutions are not affordable for some students; therefore, a job may offer them financial support if they desire to pursue tertiary education later on. Moreover, trips and work provide students with hands-on experience which not only helps them to deal with academic works, including dissertations and assignments when they decide to attend to universities but also is one of indispensable requirements almost every recruiter seeks. Ultimately, this issue accelerates the well-rounded development of students' technical competence. When they make trips or enter the workforce, they have a lot of opportunities to meet like-minded people and dealing with tons of problems and different kinds of people is inevitable, which both expands their social circle and enhances their the ability to improvise and communication skills. All in all, although travelling or engaging in workforce may be the waste of time, its invaluable salutary lessons play a vital role in individuals' lives.
Taking a gap year to travel or work after graduating high schools has gained increasing popularity recently. Despite drawbacks this phenomenon brings to us, its values are more significant.

Students can
be faced
with
some
problems when they
make
a decision on a gap year. The
first
disadvantage is that it is time-consuming. The reason is that while they are on their journey, others attend to universities, which equips them necessary knowledge and
skills
with a view to joining in workforce immediately after graduating. Other than that, seeking employment after finishing programs in high schools can
make
their career paths limited. This is
because
some
jobs,
particularly
white-collar jobs or ones with an attractive pay package,
usually
require academic degrees, which means that students can be
only
low-income earners if they follow this trend.

On the other hand
,
people
can reap great benefits from the gap year.
First of all
, it relieves their financial burdens. The school fees in institutions are not affordable for
some
students;
therefore
, a job may offer them financial support if they desire to pursue tertiary education later on.
Moreover
, trips and work provide students with hands-on experience which not
only
helps
them to deal with academic works, including dissertations and assignments when they decide to attend to universities
but
also
is one of indispensable requirements almost every recruiter seeks.
Ultimately
, this issue accelerates the well-rounded development of students' technical competence. When they
make
trips or enter the workforce, they have
a lot of
opportunities to
meet
like-minded
people
and dealing with tons of problems and
different
kinds of
people
is inevitable, which both expands their social circle and enhances their the ability to improvise and communication
skills
.

All in all, although travelling or engaging in workforce may be the waste of time, its invaluable salutary lessons play a vital role in individuals'
lives
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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