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We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits? v.4

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits? v. 4
Today, the computer has become an indispensable tool in our day-to-day activities. In fact, we find it very difficult to get through a working day without it. In this essay, we will discuss the usage of computers in the foreseeable future. Also, we will analyse how this dependency will have negative impacts on the society. To begin with, computers can be used in performing daily chores at the house. For instance, cleaning of the home can be done with the minimum effort and time with the advent of robot maids. In addition, teachers can use computers for teaching their students by staying at their own place. In other words, tutors can arrange multiple classes in different cities at the same time by the help of this tool. Thus, it is obvious that the computer can be used in household work as well as for teaching purpose in the coming future. However, inordinate usage of this tool has many disadvantages. First of all, human beings will be replaced by this machine leading to the increase in the unemployment which is intrinsically tied to the rate of the crime within the nation. Furthermore, the absence of physical presence of teachers in the classroom can raise the problems of discipline within the students. In other words, social development of these pupils will be harmed and thereby, will cause a hindrance in the nation's social growth. From above, it can be seen that computers will be used for various activities at home as well as at educational institutions in the future. But, excessive utilisation of this machine can boost the issues related to job causing rise in the crime and afflict the young people's development. It is thus hoped that people will be made aware of the harmfulness of relying too much on computers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the computer has become an indispensable tool in our day-to-day activities. In fact, we find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through a working day without it. In this essay, we will discuss the usage of computers in the foreseeable future.
Also
, we will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
how this dependency will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, computers can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in performing daily chores at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
For instance
, cleaning of the home can
be done
with the minimum effort and time with the advent of robot maids.
In addition
, teachers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers for teaching their students by staying at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
place.
In other words
, tutors can arrange multiple classes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities at the same time by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this tool.
Thus
, it is obvious that the computer can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in household work
as well
as for teaching purpose in the coming future.

However
, inordinate usage of this tool has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, human beings will
be replaced
by this machine leading to the increase in the unemployment which is
intrinsically
tied to the rate of the crime within the nation.
Furthermore
, the absence of physical presence of teachers in the classroom can raise the problems of discipline within the students.
In other words
, social development of these pupils will
be harmed
and thereby, will cause a hindrance in the nation's social growth.

From above, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that computers will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for various activities at home
as well
as at educational institutions in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, excessive
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of this machine can boost the issues related to job causing rise in the crime and afflict the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's development. It is
thus
hoped that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
be made
aware of the harmfulness of relying too much on computers.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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