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We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer technology. It is used in business, crime detection and even to fly planes. What will it be used for in future? Is this dependence on technology a good thing or should we be suspicious of its benefits? v.2

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer technology. It is used in business, crime detection and even to fly planes. What will it be used for in future? Is this dependence on technology a good thing or should we be suspicious of its benefits? v. 2
In the global era, most of the people are utilizing computer for various reasons, such as business, updating social media, education, research, navigating airplanes, as well as monitoring crime detection or cctv. One important aspect of this reality is most of the people tend to spent their time a bunch for utilizing computer than another activity. The issue is whether the dependent of people towards computer technology is more positive impacts for their self or exactly opposite? And what will it be used in the future. In my view, there are many positive impacts than its negative, and we could gain many benefits by using it in the future. I hold this views for some reasons which are set out below. To begin with, I would like to argue that in the future computer technology should utilized for sustaining the environment in a country. Referring to research Centre for environmental studies the University of Melbourne stated that in the contemporary era many scholars have been expanding the function of computer for reducing the number of environmental damage and worse pollution, accelerating the production of green transportation, as well as boosting the quality of clean water. On the other hand, the computer technology in the future also was alleged be able to render people are more healthier than previously as caused there are many computer applications that was made for calculating the number of heart rate, callories, as well as the problem of stunting in a society. some technological companies such as microsoft, samsung, as well as apple had launched notebook and smart watch that guided the consumer for doing healthy activity. However, there are some people who believe that computer already contributed more negative impacts than their positivity. Unfortunately, there is little evidence to support this view. Taking everything into consideration, I believe that in the future computer are more profitable for sustainabling environment and constructing people healthy.
In the global era, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are utilizing computer for various reasons, such as business, updating social media, education, research, navigating airplanes, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as monitoring crime detection or
Possible spelling mistake found.
cctv
. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of this reality is most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to spent their time a bunch for utilizing computer than another activity. The issue is whether the dependent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards computer technology is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts for their self or exactly opposite? And what will it be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. In my view, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts than its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
, and we could gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits by using it in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. I hold this views for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which
are set
out below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I would like to argue that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
computer technology should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "utilize"
utilized
for sustaining the environment in a country. Referring to research
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
for environmental studies the University of Melbourne stated that in the contemporary era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scholars have been expanding the function of computer for reducing the number of environmental damage and worse pollution, accelerating the production of green transportation, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as boosting the quality of clean water.

On the other hand
, the computer technology in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
also
was alleged
be able to render
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Use only "healthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more healthier
than previously as caused there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
computer applications that
was made
for calculating the number of heart rate,
Possible spelling mistake found.
callories
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as the problem of stunting in a society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
microsoft
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
samsung
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as apple had launched notebook and smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
that guided the consumer for doing healthy activity.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that computer already contributed more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts than their positivity. Unfortunately, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
evidence to support this view.

Taking everything into consideration, I believe that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
computer are more profitable for
Possible spelling mistake found.
sustainabling
environment and constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer technology. It is used in business, crime detection and even to fly planes. What will it be used for in future? Is this dependence on technology a good thing or should we be suspicious of its benefits? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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