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We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in future? Is this dependence on computer a good thing or should we more suspicious of their benefits? v.7

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in future? Is this dependence on computer a good thing or should we more suspicious of their benefits? v. 7
In the modern world people's reliance on computer is rapidly increasing. First computer was invented almost five decades ago and around 30 years personal computer has been invented spreading our lives like a virus. We can count a number of reasons from which on gets idea why people should suspicious about the benefits of computer rather than completely dependent on them. In current scenario, computers are being used in hospitals, offices, universities, research laboratories etc. In the future, computers will be used to create more complex and sophisticated algorithms that will run automobiles, factories etc. For instance, they will be run planes and also co-ordinate planes in the vicinity of the airport. Moreover, they will run cars on highways, streets and markets. For both of the phenomenon, everything will be fine with algorithms working correctly. If the smallest program fails, one can imagine the disaster. The reason people will face this kind of serious problem is, the exceeding trust on computers. With regards to the current development going on the artificial intelligence, there are possibilities they may replace teachers in schools and collages. Some people may think of this as a huge achievement, but it clearly shows the inevitable inability to control students in a classroom from flying around and also to motivate. Consequently, children may end up loosing interest in studies and being careless about career, which is an alarming sign for the future of society. In a nutshell, extreme reliance on computers is not advisable. We must make sure that we are in control of them, because initially, it may easy for us to realize that technology has taken over command, by then we will face unimaginable chaos. To avoid, we must be suspicious of benefits of computers and not totally make ourselves dependent on them
In the modern world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's reliance on computer is
rapidly
increasing.
First
computer
was invented
almost five decades ago and around 30 years personal computer has
been invented
spreading our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
like a virus. We can count a number of reasons from which on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should suspicious about the benefits of computer
rather
than completely dependent on them.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario, computers are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in hospitals, offices, universities, research laboratories etc. In the future, computers will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to create more complex and sophisticated algorithms that will run automobiles, factories etc.
For instance
, they will
be run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
and
also
co-ordinate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
in the vicinity of the airport.
Moreover
, they will run cars on highways, streets and markets. For both of the phenomenon, everything will be fine with algorithms working
correctly
. If the smallest program fails, one can imagine the disaster. The reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will face this kind of serious problem is, the exceeding trust on computers.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
development going on the artificial intelligence, there are possibilities they may replace teachers in schools and collages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of this as a huge achievement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the inevitable inability to control students in a classroom from flying around and
also
to motivate.
Consequently
, children may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up loosing interest in studies and being careless about career, which is an alarming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
for the future of society.

In a nutshell, extreme reliance on computers is not advisable. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that we are in control of them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
initially
, it may easy for us to realize that technology has taken over command, by then we will face unimaginable chaos. To avoid, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be suspicious of benefits of computers and not
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ourselves dependent on
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
them
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in future? Is this dependence on computer a good thing or should we more suspicious of their benefits? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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