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Water pollution is an extreme problem on a global scale which people are having to cope with on an increasingly regular basis. What are some main causes and solutions for this issue? v.1

Water pollution is an extreme problem on a global scale which people are having to cope with on an increasingly regular basis. What are some main causes and solutions for this issue? v. 1
The Internet has revolutionized the world in the way people communicate, study and work. As the Internet is considered as a mine of information, it is used and preferred globally. People have different perspective on whether online data should be controlled or not. This essay is an attempt to discuss both sides and give its own opinion at the end. On one hand, people who argue not to control the web data, consider the Internet as only one platform, where people can share and learn everything at a single place. Therefore, there should not be any restriction on communication, sharing and finding things on world wide web. Further, the Internet is also used for students to complete their projects and assignments. Thus, the information should be fully available on the Internet, so that it can be accessed by pupils to help them in their education. Google and other IT firms have revealed that the users of the web has increased dramatically in last 5 years, which shows the popularity of the Internet. On the other hand, the Internet has un-censored data, such as pornographic and juvenile delinquency videos, which may lead children to a wrong direction. Moreover, cyber crimes are rampant, because of which many people loss their valuable things, such as money, personal data of credit or debit card. Therefore, some people believe that the data should be restricted by governments to reduce such crimes. For example, a local newspaper has revealed that, cyber crimes have been increased by 60% in the last year, which demands the control over it. To conclude, seeing the severe drawbacks, I firmly believe that the content, shared and put online, must be controlled by the authority of any nation in the welfare of the society.
The Internet has revolutionized the world in the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate, study and work. As the Internet
is considered
as a mine of information, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and preferred globally.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective on whether online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
should
be controlled
or not. This essay is an attempt to discuss both sides and give its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue not to control the web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
, consider the Internet as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one platform, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share and learn everything at a single place.
Therefore
, there should not be any restriction on communication, sharing and finding things on
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
.
Further
, the Internet is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for students to complete their projects and assignments.
Thus
, the information should be
fully
available on the Internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can
be accessed
by pupils to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their education. Google and other IT firms have revealed that the users of the web has increased
dramatically
in last 5 years, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the popularity of the Internet.

On the other hand
, the Internet has
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-censored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
, such as pornographic and juvenile delinquency videos, which may lead children to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
direction.
Moreover
, cyber crimes are rampant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
loss their valuable things, such as money, personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
of credit or debit card.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
should
be restricted
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
such crimes.
For example
, a local newspaper has revealed that, cyber crimes have
been increased
by 60% in the last year, which demands the control over it.

To conclude
, seeing the severe drawbacks, I
firmly
believe that the content, shared and put online,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be controlled
by the authority of any nation in the welfare of the society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Water pollution is an extreme problem on a global scale which people are having to cope with on an increasingly regular basis. What are some main causes and solutions for this issue? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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