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Some people believe that there is a reduction in air travel in the future. Do you think this trend as positive or negative development? v.2

Some people believe that there is a reduction in air travel in the future. Do you think this trend as positive or negative development? v. 2
Technology is the sum of techniques, skills, methods, and processes used in the production of goods or services. In this contemporary world, Scientists inventions various kinds of means of transports such as bikes, trains, cars, which makes individuals life more comfortable. But, most of the humans think that, the price of the air ticket would reduce in future. I will discuss both negative as well as positive points in following paragraphs. To begin with, there is a plethora of positive development of reduction of air ticket. First and foremost, in this modern era, many of the human beings are not able to travel by plane due to expensive ticket. If, the cost of the airplane should less, than a large number of people are in a position to move one kingdom to another without any worry, which is very good for tourists. Secondly, it is also beneficial for the country's economy. For example, lots of the airports directly linked with the government, with the aid of ticket, local authority able to earn money and they spend those wealth on nation improvement. Every coin has two sides. Therefore, there are a few drawbacks of cost reduction. Firstly, it is truly said that, air transport consumes huge fuel, which cause air pollution in the environment, if the price of the air pass should diminish, then a large number of personage will used to go by aeroplane which directly effects on our globe. In a nutshell, I would say that travelling is equivalent to education. It can bring people closer to each other despite their differences, which is very important in today’s global world.
Technology is the sum of techniques,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, methods, and processes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the production of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
or services. In this contemporary world, Scientists inventions various kinds of means of transports such as bikes, trains, cars, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
individuals life more comfortable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, most of the humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, the price of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. I will discuss both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points in following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is a plethora of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development of reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
.
First
and foremost, in this modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the human beings are not able to travel by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
due to expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
. If, the cost of the airplane should less, than
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in a position to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
one kingdom to another without any worry, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for tourists.
Secondly
, it is
also
beneficial for the country's economy.
For example
, lots of the airports
directly
linked with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, with the aid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
, local authority able to earn
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they spend
Did you mean "this wealth" or "those wealths"?
those wealth
on nation improvement.

Every coin has two sides.
Therefore
, there are a few drawbacks of cost reduction.
Firstly
, it is
truly
said that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
transport consumes huge fuel, which cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution in the environment, if the price of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pass should diminish, then
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
personage will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "use"
used
to go by
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
which
directly
effects on our globe.

In a nutshell, I would say that travelling is equivalent to education. It can bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
closer to each other despite their differences, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s global world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that there is a reduction in air travel in the future. Do you think this trend as positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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