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Water is need of every living soul on this earth. but according the some researchers, in future water will create the greatest threat for mankind. do you agree or disagree? v.1

Water is need of every living soul on this earth. but according the some researchers, in future water will create the greatest threat for mankind. v. 1
With the supporting of media in the industry’s era, almost sports stars are easy to get a reputation and immediately become the idols of youngster over the worlds. Although not all of them are excellent mirrors, I opine that they have created a great deal of positive perspectives for the young in both of individual and social aspects. My twofold essay will analyse this issue in the details. On the one hand, there are several behaviours of famous athletes having a positive impact on the young generation. Firstly, most sports people have attractive, athletic bodies, thanks to constant dedications to training and leading healthy lifestyle, which can encourage youngsters to participate in physical activities. As a result, young people who consider sports stars as ideal models might potentially engage in regular exercises, such as working out regularly at the gym or practicing with calisthenics for the purpose of getting into shape. Moreover, the willpower and mental toughness which the professional athletes show in competition could be infinite sources of inspiration for people, especially for the young in their difficult period. Cristian Ronaldo perfectly exemplifies this notion. Thank to have a resilient mental strength, he gains a sense of confidence and calm regardless of pressures to keep the best performance during the games while other players might succumb, this could motivate the young to overcome a plethora of terrible conditions in their life. On the other hand, it could not be denied that sports stars also have beneficial effects on society as a whole. Obviously, some athletes devote time to take part in voluntary work and this could motivate the young generation to make a contribution to the community. For example, Tang Chau Phong, the best football player in Vietnam, although he has to invest a lot of time and money for his athletic careers, he donated the entire of his life-saving for charitable funding. Besides, almost unacceptable actions of well-known athletes always are condemned on a great deal of social media platforms, which also provide moral lessons to the youth. In other words, some sports players using performance-enhancing drugs in order to get the competitive edge over their opponents have been seriously punished and this reminds young people again about the importance of honesty in sports and as well as in life. In conclusion, it could not, surely that every sports celebrity are good examples and always behave morally. However, their contribution is obvious to both of young individual and society.
With the supporting of media in the industry’s era, almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars are easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a reputation and immediately become the idols of youngster over the worlds. Although not all of them are excellent mirrors, I opine that they have created a great deal of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
perspectives for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
in both of individual and social aspects. My twofold essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
this issue in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

On the one hand, there are several
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.
Firstly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have attractive, athletic bodies, thanks to constant dedications to training and leading healthy lifestyle, which can encourage youngsters to participate in physical activities.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars as ideal models might
potentially
engage in regular exercises, such as working out
regularly
at the gym or practicing with calisthenics for the purpose of getting into shape.
Moreover
, the willpower and mental toughness which the professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in competition could be infinite sources of inspiration for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
in their difficult period. Cristian Ronaldo
perfectly
exemplifies this notion. Thank to have a resilient mental strength, he gains a sense of confidence and calm regardless of pressures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the best performance during the games while other players might succumb, this could motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to overcome a plethora of terrible conditions in their life.

On the other hand
, it could not
be denied
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars
also
have beneficial effects on society as a whole.
Obviously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
devote time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in voluntary work and this could motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a contribution to the community.
For example
, Tang
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chau
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phong
, the best football player in Vietnam, although he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and money for his athletic careers, he donated the entire of his life-saving for charitable funding.
Besides
, almost unacceptable actions of well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
always
are condemned
on a great deal of social media platforms, which
also
provide moral lessons to the youth.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players using performance-enhancing drugs in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the competitive edge over their opponents have been
seriously
punished and this reminds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
again about the importance of honesty in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
as well
as in life.

In conclusion
, it could not,
surely
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
celebrity are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
examples and always behave
morally
.
However
, their contribution is obvious to both of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individual and society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Water is need of every living soul on this earth. but according the some researchers, in future water will create the greatest threat for mankind. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
411 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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