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Education is the greatest force for change and offers the greatest opportunity for hope about the future of our society. v.1

Education is the greatest force for change and offers the greatest opportunity for hope about the future of our society. v. 1
It is true that education is the greatest force for change as people can gain knowledge and skills. Consequently, people would not only improve their intelligence, but also improve their standard of living. As the number of people who are receiving standard education increases, I believe that society would develop to a higher level. Education is a crucial factor that allows people to learn vital skills and knowledges in order to receive qualifications for jobs. There is a significant difference between people who receive a favourable level of education and people who do not receive any educations at all. Therefore, people who receive educations will gain a good qualification, and are more likely to find generously salaried jobs than those people who do not receive educations. Hence, education takes a significant role in helping people to improve their level of living. As mentioned above, education allows people to find generously salaried jobs. However, it can also improve our society as higher education allows people to gain qualification to become professionals who can help our society, for example, doctors, teachers, and policemen. Additionally, it also improves our society’s economy as people can find a high salary job and pay higher taxes to the government. Hence, the government has more money to use for the improvement of public services and build more infrastructures. Consequently, all of these factors will raise our society to a higher level in the future. In conclusion, education is the greatest force for change as people can find high salaried jobs to improve their level of livings. Also, high salaried jobs will result in higher taxes for the government to use, which can upgrade public services and infrastructures.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the greatest force for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gain knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Consequently
,
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people
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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improve
their intelligence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their standard of living. As the number of
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people
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who
are receiving standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
increases, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
would develop to a higher level.

Education is a crucial factor that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
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people
to learn vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
in order to
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receive
qualifications for
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jobs
. There is a significant difference between
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
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level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not
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receive
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
at all.
Therefore
,
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
will gain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualification, and are more likely to
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find
generously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not
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receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
.
Hence
,
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education
takes a significant role in helping
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people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of living.

As mentioned above,
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education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
generously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
However
, it can
also
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improve
our
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society
as higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain qualification to become professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our
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society
,
for example
, doctors, teachers, and policemen.
Additionally
, it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improves
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society’s
economy as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a high salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and pay higher taxes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has more money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for the improvement of public services and build more infrastructures.
Consequently
, all of these factors will raise our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
in the future.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the greatest force for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of livings.
Also
, high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will result in higher taxes for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, which can upgrade public services and infrastructures.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
63Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Education is the greatest force for change and offers the greatest opportunity for hope about the future of our society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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