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People attend college or university for many different reasons (forexample, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specificreasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

People attend college or university for many different reasons (forexample, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specificreasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
In this modern era, it is very important to teach children to be good members of society. Some people think that parents should do this while others believe that school do this better. I will discuss both these views in further paragraphs and also give my opinion in the end. To initiate with, Some people think parents should teach children to be good social members because children listen them carefully and also believe them. So, children can catch easily what parents are told to them by which they can simply acquire this ability in their lives. For example, when mother teaches her one or two year child to speak mom and dad's word first time, then a child can try to copy her and say these words. On the other hand, people believe that children learn best in the schools to be good members of society because children meet other students there by which they can learn how to behave and live with others. Due to which they learn social skills. For instance, discipline is important part of any school which motivate children to be good human beings and helps to acquire good qualities. To conclude, both parents and school are well wishers of children which help them to be good citizens. But school is playing a crucial role because most of the time children are living in the schools due to which children learn more in the school and this is best chance to teach them how to be good citizens.
In this modern era, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
members of society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should do this while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
do this better. I will discuss both these views in
further
paragraphs and
also
give my opinion in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

To initiate with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
social members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
listen them
carefully
and
also
believe them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can catch
easily
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
The verb 'to tell someone' does not require a preposition.
to them
by which they can
simply
acquire this ability in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, when mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaches
her one or two year
Possible agreement error. The noun 'child' seems to be countable, so consider using: "children".
child
to speak mom and dad's word
first
time, then a child can try to copy her and say these words.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
best in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
members of society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
students there by which they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to behave and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with others. Due to which they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, discipline is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
which motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
human beings and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
qualities.

To conclude
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well wishers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
citizens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is playing a crucial role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and this
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them how to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
citizens.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People attend college or university for many different reasons (forexample, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specificreasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • People attend college or university for many different reasons (forexample, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specificreasons and examples to support your answer. v.1