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Climate change is the biggest threat to our planet. How accurate is this statement? Are there any other big threats to mankind? v.1

Climate change is the biggest threat to our planet. How accurate is this statement? Are there any other big threats to mankind? v. 1
Firstly, most of the countries on this planet are underdeveloped and the government fails to create enough jobs for its people, and people struggle for a living. Therefore, Habitats of such countries relocate to developed nations in search of a better lifestyle. A recent survey by the Time India showed, in the year 2015, many African people who could not afford basic needs such as food, shelter and water in their home country travelled to Kuwait and Dubai. Secondly, many youngsters travel to other nations for the various facilities a nation offers for its residents. For instance, Australia and Canada invite around fifty thousand immigrants every year and offer free education and medical care for its citizens. Also, Kuwait supplies free food for the green collar jobs. For these reasons, people travel to different countries in order to make their ends meet. However, there could be many negative impacts on the society. When a considerable number of people travel to different nations, communities would have lesser young work force, which is used to drive the nation. The county would suffer economically and financially. A recent survey of Times India showed that Bangladesh had had to borrow hefty amount from the world bank to take care of their older people because the nation could not perform well financially. In conclusion, people travel to developing nations for reasons such as, to improvise their lifestyle and for various benefits other country provides. However, it could make undeveloped countries prone to serious problems. .
Firstly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
on this planet
are underdeveloped
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
fails to create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
jobs for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggle for a living.
Therefore
, Habitats of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
relocate to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in search of a better lifestyle. A recent survey by the Time India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
, in the year 2015,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who could not afford basic needs such as food, shelter and water in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
travelled to Kuwait and Dubai.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
for the various facilities a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
offers for its residents.
For instance
, Australia and Canada invite around fifty thousand immigrants every year and offer free education and medical care for its citizens.
Also
, Kuwait supplies free food for the green collar jobs. For these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.

However
, there could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the society. When a considerable number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, communities would have lesser young work force, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to drive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. The county would suffer
economically
and
financially
. A recent survey of Times India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that Bangladesh had had to borrow hefty amount from the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world bank
to take care of their older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
could not perform well
financially
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
for reasons such as, to improvise their lifestyle and for various benefits other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
provides.
However
, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
prone to serious problems.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Climate change is the biggest threat to our planet. How accurate is this statement? Are there any other big threats to mankind? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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