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Nowadays in many countries, people are following the latest fashion, hairstyles and so on. Is it a positive or a negative development? v.2

Nowadays in many countries, people are following the latest fashion, hairstyles and so on. Is it a positive or a negative development? v. 2
When it comes to fashion or new trends, people often mention a phenomenon of a group of people who excessively follow the most novel fashions ranging from outfits or hairstyles to home design. Therefore, this essay will discuss about some of the benefits and the drawbacks of this problem. This trend may bring positive feelings to the wearers because they can blend in with society. Thus, people will be more confident and attractive due to being able to wear expensive and trendy outfits. Besides, it could develop the fashion industry. When more clothes are bought, the turnover of textile factories, clothes manufacturers will increase adequately. More importantly, it might solve the unemployment problem effectively, open more job opportunity for people who are jobless. It also helps with fashion designers and models earn more money. Last but not least, fashion not only could be a factor of beauty, but it also helps them to obtain the value of themselves in the crowd. On the other hand, following the newest wrinkle can lead people to lose their personal identify. For instance, teenagers nowadays often would like to dress the same as their idols so that they will not have their own style, they cannot be unique, they are just the same as other people. Additionally, people will waste time and money to choose clothes and buy clothes. It would be a waste if people just buy, and does not care about the usage & suitability of the clothes. In conclusion, people should harmonize the demand for following the latest trends and know what they really need.
When it
comes
to
fashion
or new trends,
people
often
mention a phenomenon of a group of
people
who
excessively
follow the most novel
fashions
ranging from outfits or hairstyles to home design.
Therefore
, this essay will discuss about
some
of the benefits and the drawbacks of this problem.

This trend may bring
positive
feelings to the wearers
because
they can blend in with society.
Thus
,
people
will be more confident and attractive due to being able to wear expensive and trendy outfits.
Besides
, it could develop the
fashion
industry. When more
clothes
are
bought
, the turnover of textile factories,
clothes
manufacturers will increase
adequately
. More
importantly
, it might solve the unemployment problem
effectively
, open more job opportunity for
people
who are jobless. It
also
helps
with
fashion
designers and models earn more money. Last
but
not least,
fashion
not
only
could be a factor of beauty,
but
it
also
helps
them to obtain the value of themselves in the crowd.

On the other hand
, following the newest wrinkle can lead
people
to lose their personal identify.
For instance
,
teenagers
nowadays
often would like
to dress the same as their idols
so
that they will not have their
own
style, they cannot be unique, they are
just
the same as other
people
.
Additionally
,
people
will waste time and money to choose
clothes
and
buy
clothes
. It would be a waste if
people
just
buy
, and does not care about the usage & suitability of the clothes.

In conclusion
,
people
should harmonize the demand for following the latest trends and know what they
really
need.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays in many countries, people are following the latest fashion, hairstyles and so on. Is it a positive or a negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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