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Watching television has positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement v.1

Watching television has positive effects on children. v. 1
With the advent of technology, television is a most common gadget watched by each and every family. Spending time with television can be beneficial in many ways. This essay agrees and will discuss the reasons that help in the development of a child's intelligence and awareness and major source of enjoyment. To embark with, television gives knowledge about different aspects of the life. There are a variety of shows which aid in intellectual growth and creativity of the child. For instance, a famous television show 'art attack' telecasted by Discovery channel help children to improve their recreational skills. Another development is an elevation in awareness regarding different common social issues. Many television advertisements and shows raise voice against problems such as deforestation of trees and wastage of water, which help future generations to stay active and alert. Thus, television is very favourable to solve multiple issues. Futhermore, television is an important means of entertainment. Many children use television to enjoy and pursue their hobbies. Most common hobbies such as singing and dancing are enhanced by watching different television programs. For example a famous singer has revealed that 25% of participants took part in the reality singing show are inspired by watching singer on T. V. and without any guidance. Hence, television is a great platform for young stars. Moreover, many children like to watch television shows based on culinary activities and want to become chefs. Therefore, television is a vital part of a child's life and always prove to be helpful. In conclusion, although, televisions have some drawbacks. But, it aids in overall growth of the child's mind and body and give many opportunities to explore their hobbies as career.
With the advent of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a most common gadget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by each and every family. Spending time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
and will discuss the reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the development of a child's intelligence and awareness and major source of enjoyment.

To embark with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
gives knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of the life. There are a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
which aid in intellectual growth and creativity of the child.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
'art attack'
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
by Discovery channel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their recreational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Another development is an elevation in awareness regarding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
common social issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
advertisements and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
raise voice against problems such as deforestation of trees and wastage of water, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
future generations to stay active and alert.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to solve multiple issues.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
means of entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to enjoy and pursue their hobbies. Most common hobbies such as singing and dancing
are enhanced
by watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs.
For example
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singer has revealed that 25% of participants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in the reality singing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
are inspired
by watching singer on T. V. and without any guidance.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a great platform for young stars.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
based on culinary activities and want to become chefs.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a vital part of a child's life and always prove to be helpful.

In conclusion
, although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it aids in
overall
growth of the child's mind and body and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities to explore their hobbies as career.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Watching television has positive effects on children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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