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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on young people. v.97

Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on young people. v. 97
Since the beginning of the twenty first century, air travelling has gotten the momentum rapidly. However, some people think that, air transportation will be reduced in the forthcoming years. Consequently, overseas tourism and global businesses will be decreased. Therefore, I firmly believe that, it has a negative impact on the society. The reasons of my disinclination are explained in trailed paragraphs. To begin with, declining in the number of air planes, means the lower international tourism, which is an emerging field today. It can adversely affect many countries, which are totally dependent on tourism. As it can reduce the employment prospects for the locals, it can also have tremendous effects on the nation's economy. For example, Islands are the most attractive places for tourists from across the globe and visiting such places, is nearly impossible without the frequent use of air planes. Moreover, the reduction in air travelling, will discourage the people from travelling across the globe. As a result, people will become the narrow minded in believing and in following the global trend, which can widen the gap among different countries and at times, it may turn into a war. Additionally, currently, many nations depend on the goods, which are imported from the overseas countries by air. So, decrease in air travel can also decrease the importing and exporting facilities. To conclude, as the world is becoming a global platform for everything, the reduction in air travel will definitely impact negatively on the people. So, according to me, air travelling will never be decreased in the future.
Since the beginning of the twenty
first
century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
has gotten the momentum
rapidly
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
transportation will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in the forthcoming years.
Consequently
, overseas tourism and global businesses will
be decreased
.
Therefore
, I
firmly
believe that, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the society. The reasons of my disinclination are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in trailed paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, declining in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
, means the lower international tourism, which is an emerging field
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. It can
adversely
affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, which are
totally
dependent on tourism. As it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the employment prospects for the locals, it can
also
have tremendous effects on the nation's economy.
For example
, Islands are the most attractive places for tourists from across the globe and visiting such places, is
nearly
impossible without the frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
.

Moreover
, the reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
, will discourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
across the globe.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will become the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
narrow minded
in believing and in following the global trend, which can widen the gap among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and at times, it may turn into a war.
Additionally
,
currently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations depend on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, which
are imported
from the overseas countries by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travel can
also
decrease the importing and exporting facilities.

To conclude
, as the world is becoming a global platform for everything, the reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travel will definitely impact
negatively
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, according to me,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
will never
be decreased
in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on young people. v. 97

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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