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Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. v. 1
Many believe that watching live entertainment is better than watching it on television. In my opinion, though the experience of attending a performance in person can be exhilarating, television provides the best viewing experience these days. Live performances are unique. A good example of this would in the sporting world. Most would jump at the chance to watch the greats of the game like Messi, Federer and Lebron ply their craft by attending one of their matches in person. The recorded versions of those events will last forever but there is a limited window to catch them in person. Experiencing the best players live highlights the speed, precision, and high-level talent required to dominate other professional athletes. This indelible memory of seeing a genius performing in person also applies to varying degrees for concerts, plays, and speeches. Nonetheless, advances in broadcasting have elevated the home-viewing experience above the live version. The advent of HD televisions in the last two decades and the expansion of channels are the principle causes. These days, an individual watching a basketball game can hear play-by-play and colour commentary, see close-ups of the players, follow the action from the ideal view, and enjoy all this within the comforts of their own home. The memory may be less distinct but the experience itself is more enjoyable. This collective shift away from most major live events and towards home entertainment is evidenced in lower attendance numbers and ticket prices. In conclusion, the best way to watch a live event is on television. There may be certain exceptions depending on the kind of event and how often it occurs but this holds true for most live performances.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
entertainment is better than watching it on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. In my opinion, though the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of attending a performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can be exhilarating,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
provides the best viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
these days.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Live
performances are unique. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this would in the sporting world. Most would jump at the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the greats of the game like Messi,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Federer
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lebron
ply
their craft by attending one of their matches in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. The recorded versions of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
will last forever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a limited window to catch them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. Experiencing the best players
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
highlights the speed, precision, and high-level talent required to dominate other professional athletes. This indelible memory of seeing a genius performing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
varying degrees for concerts, plays, and speeches.

Nonetheless, advances in broadcasting have elevated the home-viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
version. The advent of HD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
in the last two decades and the expansion of channels are the
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
causes. These days, an individual watching a basketball game can hear play-by-play and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
commentary,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
close-ups of the players, follow the action from the ideal view, and enjoy all this within the comforts of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home. The memory may be less distinct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
itself is more enjoyable. This collective shift away from most major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and towards home entertainment
is evidenced
in lower attendance numbers and ticket prices.

In conclusion
, the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. There may be certain exceptions depending on the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
it occurs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this holds true for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
performances.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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