Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Watching a live performance such as a play, concert or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Watching a live performance such as a play, concert or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on TV. with this opinion? v. 2
Many people claim that it is more joyful when they join a live stage in person that watch it on TV. My own view on this matter is that I fully disapprove of this viewpoint as I believe watching everything on TV provides us so much enjoyment. On the one hand, it is undeniable that being in a live performance helps us to easily feel the atmosphere, interact with singers, players or celebrities and even know several backstage stories while we are at a break. Thus, that is why some individuals insist on the delights of a live event which they cannot experience if they watch TV. Nonetheless, I consider it to be a shortsighted view, since a live show can be unpleasant. Because there is always so much noise, we perhaps hardly hear anything. To illustrate this, last month, I took part in a concert of Son Tung MTP which is a famous singer in Vietnam. The concert would have been so relaxing and cost-effective had it not been for the crazy fans screaming out loud too much from the beginning to the end that what all I listened to was just cacophony, not his melodic voice. On the other hand, enjoying a stage through TV brings us lots of satisfaction. Firstly, we are going to have many pleasant feelings when we watch a recorded show with our family, relatives and friends. We can comfortably chat together about an athlete or a musician and share our thoughts with them. Secondly, should we watch alone, we do not have to worried about the other audience interrupting our moods by chewing, eating and talking loudly. Thirdly, as the TV screen always shows us a close situation, we can clearly see what is happening and sometimes feel like we are so close to them. For instance, the camera usually focuses on a singer’s face when he performs. Thereby, enjoying his real handsomeness becomes more accessible because we simply just need to sit in front of the TV. Briefly, however delightful observing a live show in real time is, I still wholly support the view that watching a broadcasted version is more fascinating.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that it is more joyful when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
stage in person that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it on TV. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view on this matter is that I
fully
disapprove of this viewpoint as I believe watching everything on TV provides us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much enjoyment.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that being in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
performance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
easily
feel the atmosphere, interact with singers, players or celebrities and even know several backstage stories while we are at a break.
Thus
,
that is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals insist on the delights of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
which they cannot experience if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV. Nonetheless, I consider it to be a shortsighted view, since a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
can be unpleasant.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there is always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much noise, we perhaps hardly hear anything. To illustrate this, last month, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in a concert of Son
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tung
MTP which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singer in Vietnam. The concert would have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
relaxing and cost-effective had it not been for the crazy fans screaming out loud too much from the beginning to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
that what all I listened to was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
cacophony, not his melodic voice.

On the other hand
, enjoying a stage through TV brings us lots of satisfaction.
Firstly
, we are going to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pleasant feelings when we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
a recorded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
with our family, relatives and friends. We can
comfortably
chat together about an athlete or a musician and share our thoughts with them.
Secondly
, should we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
alone, we do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worried about the other audience interrupting our moods by chewing, eating and talking
loudly
.
Thirdly
, as the TV screen always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
us a close situation, we can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what is happening and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
feel like we are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
close to them.
For instance
, the camera
usually
focuses on a singer’s face when he performs. Thereby, enjoying his real handsomeness becomes more accessible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to sit in front of the TV.

Briefly
,
however
delightful observing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
in real time is, I
still
wholly support the view that watching a broadcasted version is more fascinating.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Watching a live performance such as a play, concert or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on TV. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts