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Inspite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.2

Inspite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 2
despite of the development and breakthrough of agricultural sector. Millions of people worldwide still suffer from poverty and famine. There are many forces that foster this problem that can be analysed and address separately. this essay will present an overview of causes and potential measures. One of the major reasons for the rise in earth starvation is climate change. Although various advances have been made in agriculture during the past few decades, food production is still seriously affected by extreme weather events, such as prolonged droughts or violent storms. People living in regions affected by these natural disasters often suffer from food shortages and famine. Another cause is wars and conflicts, which are taking place in many parts of the earth. People living in conflict or war zones are often forced to leave their land and move to a new terrain where they might have difficulty making ends meet. Governments and large organisations should work together in order to effectively fight world craving. First, early warning systems for extreme events should be improved so that farmers have enough time to prepare for those events and take necessary actions to save their crops. Second, it is necessary to send more experienced scientists and experts in the field of agriculture to regions frequently suffering from climate change so that they can do more research and find the most effective methods to improve food production in these areas. Another solution would be for international governments to introduce new laws and stricter regulations in order to deal with violent attacks, social riots, conflicts and wars, which are threatening the lives of millions worldwide. in conclusion, various approaches could be implemented to help fight world hunger by climate changing and wars, conflicts as well.
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
the development and breakthrough of agricultural sector. Millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worldwide
still
suffer from poverty and famine. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forces that foster this problem that can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
and address
separately
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
essay will present an overview of causes and potential measures.

One of the major reasons for the rise in earth starvation is climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. Although various advances have
been made
in agriculture during the past few decades, food production is
still
seriously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by extreme weather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, such as prolonged droughts or violent storms.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
living in regions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by these natural disasters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer from food shortages and famine. Another cause is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflicts
, which are taking place in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the earth.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflict
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
zones are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their land and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a new terrain where they might have difficulty making ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and large
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should work together in order to
effectively
fight world craving.
First
, early warning systems for extreme
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that farmers have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to prepare for those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and take necessary actions to save their crops. Second, it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
more experienced scientists and experts in the field of agriculture to regions
frequently
suffering from climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can do more research and find the most effective methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
food production in these areas. Another solution would be for international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to introduce new laws and stricter regulations in order to deal with violent attacks, social riots,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflicts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
, which are threatening the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of millions worldwide.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion, various approaches could
be implemented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
fight world hunger by climate changing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflicts
as well
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Inspite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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