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Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. v. 4
The majority of viewers were interested to watch the events such as musical concerts, audio functions of movies and sports related at their original live location rather than on the small digital screens or Televisions. I completely agree with the statement and this essay will discuss the various reasons to support this view. Firstly, in order to get a more pleasant experience, people often prefer to watch the events at their live location. With this they will feel an ample amount of experience and a greater satisfaction, which they can't get it through the normal infotainment device channel. For instance, by attending the Cricket match at the stadium, the sport lovers often felt an enormous pleasurable experience. Secondly, with the live performances, viewer able to stream the complete program without any breaks while watching. In this way, they can definitely avoid the advertisements which were played frequently on the television screens. Additionally, with the live location of events, they can have a wide visibility. Since the people at the current event location, they were able view and concentrate on entire function place and the event. For instance, considering an movie audio function, people are having a wide spectrum of visibility from the starting place to till the end of the event. In other words, from welcoming guests from outside of the hall to till sending back to them to their vehicle parking areas. Moreover, because of less entry fees, number of people are interested towards the concerts. The majority of functions are having very normal entry fee to the viewers and even some of them are free of cost. To conclude, in my view, due to the satisfaction and individual interest levels and a wider scope of visibility, people prefer to watch those events at their live location instead of watching them on television.
The majority of viewers
were interested
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as musical concerts, audio
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
of movies and sports related at their original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
rather
than on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
digital screens or Televisions. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and this essay will discuss the various reasons to support this view.

Firstly
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a more pleasant experience,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
. With this they will feel an ample amount of experience and a greater satisfaction, which they can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it through the normal infotainment device channel.
For instance
, by attending the Cricket match at the stadium, the sport lovers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
felt an enormous pleasurable experience.
Secondly
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
performances, viewer able to stream the complete program without any breaks while watching. In this way, they can definitely avoid the advertisements which
were played
frequently
on the television screens.

Additionally
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, they can have a wide visibility. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
, they were able view and concentrate on entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
function
place and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
.
For instance
, considering
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
movie audio
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
function
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having a wide spectrum of visibility from the starting place to till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
.
In other words
, from welcoming guests from
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the hall to till sending back to them to their vehicle parking areas.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less entry fees, number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
towards the concerts. The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
are having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
normal entry fee to the viewers and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are free of cost.

To conclude
, in my view, due to the satisfaction and individual interest levels and a wider scope of visibility,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
instead
of watching them on television.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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