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Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. v. 2
National events and public celebrations are part of government spending. However, it is often argued whether an excessive amount of money from the state budget should be used for events or money should be allocated for other needs. I personally tend to favour the latter statement and believe that money should be directed on the development of infrastructure or modernize existing ones, while money on holding events should be used from sponsorship. To begin with, the government is directly responsible for improving the welfare of the population. In other words, investments in the improvement of infrastructure in the form of hospitals, education institutions or manufacturing are believed to be a straightforward way to improve the standard of people’s living. This is because it would have a knock-on effect on population such as increasing life expectancy, growing literacy and decreasing unemployment rate. By contrast, public spending allocated on annual public celebrations may enhance only joyfulness for a few days rather than the quality of life in general. However, despite the costly holding events, they play a crucial role in the creation of close-knit community boosting public’s spirits and raising proud in the country by honoring traditions. For this reason, the governments may engage investment in national festivals. This is important because it is not only may contribute to saving money for significantly important needs but also can enhance the status of a country among residents due to it encourages them to uphold long-standing traditional events. In conclusion, although public festivals are a key to creating a strong bond and feelings of pride in the country, from my point of view, the administration may attract funds from sponsors; instead, saved money may be used to upgrade infrastructure as it has prolonged effects on people’s well-being.
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
celebrations are part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued whether an excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the state budget should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be allocated
for other needs. I
personally
tend to
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the latter statement and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be directed
on the development of infrastructure or modernize existing ones, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
from sponsorship.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
directly
responsible for improving the welfare of the population.
In other words
, investments in the improvement of infrastructure in the form of hospitals, education institutions or manufacturing
are believed
to be a straightforward way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the standard of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s living. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would have a knock-on effect on population such as increasing life expectancy, growing literacy and decreasing unemployment rate. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
spending allocated on annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
celebrations may enhance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
joyfulness for a few days
rather
than the quality of life
in general
.

However
, despite the costly holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, they play a crucial role in the creation of close-knit community boosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public’s
spirits and raising proud in the country by honoring traditions.
For this reason
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
may engage investment in national festivals. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
may contribute to saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can enhance the status of a country among residents due to it encourages them to uphold long-standing traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
festivals are a key to creating a strong bond and feelings of pride in the country, from my point of view, the administration may attract funds from sponsors;
instead
, saved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to upgrade infrastructure as it has prolonged effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s well-being.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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