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Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. with this statement? v. 2
Every individual has a different nature, therefore has a different point of interest. Some students prefer to undertake financial education for their future career while some would prefer to major in other disciplines. Critics argue that majoring in accounting and other financial related subjects brings less benefits to the society. I personally believe that everything in the world has two sides and so as the case with financial education. I partially agree with the benefits, financial education brings to the society. To began with, financial education can be beneficial to society in a number of ways. Individuals who undertake financial education are aware about the importance of money. This is because, financial studies tells individuals about the importance of money in their lives, which in turn gives them a brief overview of managing their finances in the futures. For example, a study published by Oxford university showed that individuals who majored in finance studies, saved an average of 30 percent of their monthly income then those who majored in other disciplines On the other hand, although there are many benefits of financial studies, there are significant downsides to it. Firstly, leaning finances can take a lot of time and sometimes it may take a decade to succeed in the business of finance-related occupations. Secondly, people do not usually understand the idea of financial education, therefore they do not appreciate this profession as it should be which can be really depressing and demotivating for many people related to financial sector. For instance, a research done by Indian government showed that individuals who studied finances and built up a career in finance related jobs are criticized as accordingly to critics choosing a career in finance is considered no more then frivolity. To sum up, till now financial education is praised by many people because of the benefits it brings to the society while critics argue that it's a wrong career to choose. I believe if the government successfully manages to promote the importance of financial education amongst its citizens, then the popularity of financial education can flourish in the future.
Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nature,
therefore
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of interest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
students prefer to undertake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would prefer to major in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
disciplines. Critics argue that majoring in accounting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
related subjects brings
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun benefits is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
to the society. I
personally
believe that everything in the world has two sides and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as the case with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
brings to the society.

To began with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can be beneficial to society in a number of ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
undertake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are aware about the importance of money. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
about the importance of money in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, which in turn gives them a brief overview of managing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finances
in the futures.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
published by Oxford university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
majored in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, saved an average of 30 percent of their monthly income then those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
majored in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
disciplines


On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, there are significant downsides to it.
Firstly
, leaning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finances
can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it may take a decade to succeed in the business of finance-related occupations.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
usually
understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
therefore
they do not appreciate this profession as it should be which can be
really
depressing and demotivating for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
sector.
For instance
, a research done by Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finances
and built up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
related jobs
are criticized
as
accordingly
to critics choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
is considered
no more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
frivolity.

To sum up, till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is praised
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
it brings to the society while critics argue that it's a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to choose. I believe if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
successfully
manages to promote the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
amongst its citizens, then the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can flourish in the future.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. with this statement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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