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Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. with this statement? v. 2
Every individual has a different nature, therefore has a different point of interest. Some students prefer to undertake financial education for their future career while some would prefer to major in other disciplines. Critics argue that majoring in accounting and other financial related subjects brings less benefits to the society. I personally believe that everything in the world has two sides and so as the case with financial education. I partially agree with the benefits, financial education brings to the society. To began with, financial education can be beneficial to society in a number of ways. Individuals who undertake financial education are aware about the importance of money. This is because, financial studies tells individuals about the importance of money in their lives, which in turn gives them a brief overview of managing their finances in the futures. For example, a study published by Oxford university showed that individuals who majored in finance studies, saved an average of 30 percent of their monthly income then those who majored in other disciplines On the other hand, although there are many benefits of financial studies, there are significant downsides to it. Firstly, leaning finances can take a lot of time and sometimes it may take a decade to succeed in the business of finance-related occupations. Secondly, people do not usually understand the idea of financial education, therefore they do not appreciate this profession as it should be which can be really depressing and demotivating for many people related to financial sector. For instance, a research done by Indian government showed that individuals who studied finances and built up a career in finance related jobs are criticized as accordingly to critics choosing a career in finance is considered no more then frivolity. To sum up, till now financial education is praised by many people because of the benefits it brings to the society while critics argue that it's a wrong career to choose. I believe if the government successfully manages to promote the importance of financial education amongst its citizens, then the popularity of financial education can flourish in the future.
Every
individual
has a
different
nature,
therefore
has a
different
point of interest.
Some
students prefer to undertake
financial
education
for their future
career
while
some
would prefer to major in
other
disciplines. Critics argue that majoring in accounting and
other
financial
related subjects brings
less
benefits
to the society. I
personally
believe that everything in the world has two sides and
so
as the case with
financial
education
. I
partially
agree
with the
benefits
,
financial
education
brings to the society.

To began with,
financial
education
can be beneficial to society in a number of ways.
Individuals
who
undertake
financial
education
are aware about the importance of money. This is
because
,
financial
studies
tells
individuals
about the importance of money in their
lives
, which in turn gives them a brief overview of managing their
finances
in the futures.
For example
, a
study
published by Oxford university
showed
that
individuals
who
majored in
finance
studies
, saved an average of 30 percent of their monthly income then those
who
majored in
other
disciplines


On the
other
hand, although there are
many
benefits
of
financial
studies
, there are significant downsides to it.
Firstly
, leaning
finances
can take
a lot of
time and
sometimes
it may take a decade to succeed in the business of finance-related occupations.
Secondly
,
people
do not
usually
understand the
idea
of
financial
education
,
therefore
they do not appreciate this profession as it should be which can be
really
depressing and demotivating for
many
people
related to
financial
sector.
For instance
, a research done by Indian
government
showed
that
individuals
who
studied
finances
and built up a
career
in
finance
related jobs
are criticized
as
accordingly
to critics choosing a
career
in
finance
is considered
no more
then
frivolity.

To sum up, till
now
financial
education
is praised
by
many
people
because
of the
benefits
it brings to the society while critics argue that it's a
wrong
career
to choose. I believe if the
government
successfully
manages to promote the importance of
financial
education
amongst its citizens, then the popularity of
financial
education
can flourish in the future.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. with this statement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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