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Volunteer work organised by middle schools brings more benefits than problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Volunteer work organised by middle schools brings more benefits than problems. v. 1
There is a concern that earth will not be a convenient place to live in the future. It is believed that more money should be invested in exploring other planets as a habitat. I disagree with this statement and will provide reasons for opposing it. The statement that it is getting more challenging to live on earth is true as a result of various causes such as the outbreak of unknown viruses, global warming, wars, and etc. However, I believe that investing money in finding solutions to mitigate the consequences of these disasters is worth more than exploring the possibility of the existence of life on other planets. Since we, as human beings, have developed decent knowledge on issues related to living conditions on earth, and we only need to add to those. For example, developing knowledge on the design of resistance buildings to severe earthquakes would cost less money and time in comparison to building new cities on Mars! The other reason is human beings have been living on earth for hundreds of years, so the body of us has evolved to adapt to living conditions on earth. Even if we develop the science and the tools to live on other plants, it is not guaranteed that our bodies, both mentally and physically, will survive there. For example, through the years, our bodies adapt to the light and heat amount that it gets daily, moving to Mars, where the temperature and light is different would affect our body vitamins and minerals which will lead to other illnesses. To sum up, I believe that improving and caring about what we already have would be more reasonable and more worthy rather than taking an unknown adventure. Investing money on the unknown would cost a fortune without a promising result.
There is a concern that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
will not be a convenient place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the future. It
is believed
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be invested
in exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
planets as a habitat. I disagree with this statement and will provide reasons for opposing it.

The statement that it is getting more challenging to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
is true
as a result
of various causes such as the outbreak of unknown viruses, global warming, wars,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
However
, I believe that investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in finding solutions to mitigate the consequences of these disasters is worth more than exploring the possibility of the existence of life on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
planets. Since we, as human beings, have developed decent knowledge on issues related to living conditions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
, and we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to those.
For example
, developing knowledge on the design of resistance buildings to severe earthquakes would cost less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and time
in comparison
to building new cities on Mars!

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reason is human beings have been living on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
for hundreds of years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
of us has evolved to adapt to living conditions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
. Even if we develop the science and the tools to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
plants, it is not guaranteed that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
, both mentally and
physically
, will survive there.
For example
, through the years, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
adapt to the light and heat amount that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
daily, moving to Mars, where the temperature and light is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
would affect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
vitamins and minerals which will lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
illnesses.

To sum up, I believe that improving and caring about what we already have would be more reasonable and more worthy
rather
than taking an unknown adventure. Investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the unknown would cost a fortune without a promising result.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Volunteer work organised by middle schools brings more benefits than problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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