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Violent news stories should not be shown on television and newspapers because they promote violence. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Violent news stories should not be shown on television and newspapers because they promote violence. v. 1
Nowadays, the print and electronic media is a great source of getting information. Sometimes, these two mediums, use different tactics to increase their ratings, and ferocious stories are the best way to engage the audience. It is widely believed, that vicious stories, broadcasted by the newspaper and television actually encourage more crimes in the society. I strongly agreed with this point of view, as I opine that such content should not be shown to the public as it increases tension and insecurity among the people and give new criminal ideas to the youngsters. intialy, the most worth mentioning point is that, terrorizing content, publish in the Newspaper and telecast on TV channels, incline the individuals towards crime. the effect of media is so strong and it fosters the youngsters to everyday crimes like robbery, rape, shooting, snatching etc. The digital and paper media coverage puts more emphases to make the stories more glamorous to attract the juveniles to experience the same situations. To illustrate, the survey by Social Welfare of USA, interviewed the young people in jails, and the most of them answered that they were influenced by the media programs. Another reason to stop the savage broadcast is that, showing the violence on Television means making individuals depress and create a sense of insecurity. It is observed that people are experiencing an increased sense of paranoia, insecurity and mistrust. certain kind of news makes people feel frightened and concerned about their own safety and also the safety of their families and friends. The recent survey has shown the statistics that 80% of housewives, in the developing countries, are avid of watching crime stories on TV and went into depression because they might think they would be the next prey of the same situations. To conclude, I am of the opinion, that violent content on both major mediums, should not be published as it creates fear and safety concerns as well as promote more crimes by giving people advance criminal ideas.
Nowadays, the print and electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a great source of getting information.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, these two mediums,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tactics to increase their ratings, and ferocious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
are the best way to engage the audience. It is
widely
believed, that vicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
, broadcasted by the newspaper and television actually encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the society. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with this point of view, as I opine that such content should not
be shown
to the public as it increases tension and insecurity among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and give new criminal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to the youngsters.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
intialy
, the most worth mentioning point is that, terrorizing content, publish in the Newspaper and telecast on TV channels, incline the individuals towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strong and it fosters the youngsters to everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like robbery, rape, shooting, snatching etc. The digital and paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
coverage puts more emphases to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
more glamorous to attract the juveniles to experience the same situations. To illustrate, the survey by Social Welfare
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
, interviewed the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in jails, and the most of them answered that they
were influenced
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
programs.

Another reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the savage broadcast is that, showing the violence on Television means making individuals depress and create a sense of insecurity. It
is observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are experiencing an increased sense of paranoia, insecurity and mistrust.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
certain
kind of news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel frightened and concerned about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety and
also
the safety of their families and friends. The recent survey has shown the statistics that 80% of housewives, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, are avid of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
on TV and went into depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they would be the
next
prey of the same situations.

To conclude
, I am of the opinion, that violent content on both major mediums, should not
be published
as it creates fear and safety concerns
as well
as promote more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advance criminal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Violent news stories should not be shown on television and newspapers because they promote violence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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