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Violence portrayed on TV and in the movies leads to an increase in crime in our society. People who watch violent movies are more likely to become criminals. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Violence portrayed on TV and in the movies leads to an increase in crime in our society. People who watch violent movies are more likely to become criminals. v. 1
Museums are one of the bucket lists that many tourists need to go. Some museums must pay for admission fee before coming, whereas some are free. Personally, I believe that it is more advantages for museums to charge an entrance fee for visitors. This essay will be given both sides of the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. There are a lot of advantages if museums collect a payment from traveller. The main benefit is museums are independent in financial status because they can get a lot of money from visitors. Furthermore, if the museums must renovate, head of the institution can easily decide to do without financial factor. In addition, the payment can be a budget for repair and maintenance museums. For example, the charge is reverse to be a security and cleaning payment. However, it does not benefit for travellers who want to visit the museum because they need to spend money for one entrance. On the other hand, some museum open free entrance for everyone who want to sightsee. One of the advantages is to encourage people to visit these places. Absolutely, museums can attract a lot of tourists to come in. Although, museums cannot receive cash from admission fees, but they can get money from other ways. For example, museums can buy some foods and drinks or souvenirs for tourist which become a main revenue of the museum. Nevertheless, museums will have a lower income. In conclusion, museums should consider about collecting admission cost or not because they must weigh about the pros and con. In my opinion, museums should charge, but not too expensive, which everyone can afford it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are one of the bucket lists that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists need to go.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay for admission fee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are free.
Personally
, I believe that it is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to charge an entrance fee for visitors. This essay will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
both sides of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of the topic.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
collect a payment from
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
. The main benefit is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are independent in financial status
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money from visitors.
Furthermore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
renovate, head of the institution can
easily
decide to do without financial factor.
In addition
, the payment can be a budget for repair and maintenance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
For example
, the charge is reverse to be a security and cleaning payment.
However
, it does not benefit for
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
who want to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to spend money for one entrance.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "museums"?
museum
open free entrance for everyone who want to
Possible spelling mistake found.
sightsee
. One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
is to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to visit these places.
Absolutely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
tourists to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
cannot receive cash from admission fees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money from other ways.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
foods and drinks or souvenirs for tourist which become a main revenue of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
will have a lower income.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should
Did you mean simply "consider collecting"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about collecting
admission cost or not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
weigh about the pros and con. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should charge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not too expensive, which everyone can afford it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Violence portrayed on TV and in the movies leads to an increase in crime in our society. People who watch violent movies are more likely to become criminals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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