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For a class assignment, you have been asked to write a description of how plastic is produced and then broken down. Using the information in the diagram, write a description of the cycle. v.1

For a class assignment, you have been asked to write a description of how plastic is produced and then broken down. Using the information in the diagram, write a description of the cycle. v. 1
Nowadays, equality is one of the issues that everyone’s concern. Some people believe that women can play an equal role as men in every kind of jobs, including police force or military force like the army, whereas, some argue that women are not proper of some kind of job. Personally, I believe that women can do every job without limit. Women and men are equal. So, many people believe that both can do every job not limit with their sexuality. Furthermore, in some situations women can work well more than men. Thus, teamwork with both male and female in the force is more beneficial. For example, normally women are more conservative than men as well as men are stronger than women. If they help each other, it leads to achievement. On the other hand, some people argue that the female is not suitable to be police or military, because these jobs normally work in outdoor and need strong body. However, the female is weaker than male. Consequently, it will be weakness of the team if they accept women to be an army. In addition, women should work in the office or indoor locations. For instance, accountants are more suitable for women than men since they work in an office and need more conservative which believe that more women have this skill. In conclusion, sometimes there are many jobs which more suitable for female more than police or military, but I believe that everyone can be anything that they want to be.
Nowadays, equality is one of the issues that everyone’s concern.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can play an equal role as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in every kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, including police force or military force like the army, whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not proper of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Personally
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can do every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
without limit.

Women and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are equal.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that both can do every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
not limit with their sexuality.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
well more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Thus
, teamwork with both male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in the force is more beneficial.
For example
,
normally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more conservative than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are stronger than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other, it leads to achievement.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
is not suitable to be
Consider using a past participle here: "policed".
police
or military,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
normally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in outdoor and need strong body.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
is weaker than male.
Consequently
, it will be weakness of the team if they accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to be an army.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the office or indoor locations.
For instance
, accountants are more suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
since they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in an office and need more conservative which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which more suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
more than police or military,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that everyone can be anything that they want to be.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay For a class assignment, you have been asked to write a description of how plastic is produced and then broken down. Using the information in the diagram, write a description of the cycle. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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