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Violence portrayed on TV and in the movies leads to an increase in crime in our society. People who watch violent movies are more likely to become criminals. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Violence portrayed on TV and in the movies leads to an increase in crime in our society. People who watch violent movies are more likely to become criminals. v. 2
One of the most conspicuous trends of today' s world is the colossal upsurge in crime scenes in the movies. There is a wide spread worry that this will only lead to a myriad of concern in the society. In My opinion violence portrayed on the TV and movies has more negative impact than positive in the society. On the one hand, critics may point out that one of the most significant benefit of such scenes is the entertainment of the audience. For an example, unlike past due to the lack of advanced technological support, now movies and programs have more fighting scenes and the success rate of such programs or movies are much higher than those without it. On the other hand, there are several arguments in favor of my stance. One of the most preponderant one is that such crime scene has negative consequence for the teenagers in various ways. According to a survey in New York city schools, the juvenile cases has increased 120% than before, and along with that the common reason that was found is, all the adolescences were motivated due to such crime scenes on TV or Movies. Secondly, the eye catchy crime scenes has negatively impacted the social life as the cases of the racism and domestic violence has also increase with a common reason behind it, is the such programs on TV. Lastly, in my opinion the government and the entertainment industries must take great initiative to prevent the likely hood that people tends to become criminal after watching such programs to have peaceful society. In the view of the argument outlined above, one can conclude that despite having benefit, the drawback are indeed too dire to ignore.
One of the most conspicuous trends of
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world is the colossal upsurge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. There is a wide spread worry that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to a myriad of concern in the society. In My opinion violence portrayed on the TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in the society.

On the one hand, critics may point out that one of the most significant benefit of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
is the entertainment of the audience. For an example, unlike past due to the lack of advanced technological support,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
have more fighting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
and the success rate of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are much higher than those without it.

On the other hand
, there are several arguments in favor of my stance. One of the most preponderant one is that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scene
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequence for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in various ways. According to a survey in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York city
schools, the juvenile cases has increased 120% than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and along with that the common reason that
was found
is, all the adolescences
were motivated
due to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
on TV or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Movies
.
Secondly
, the eye catchy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
has
negatively
impacted the social life as the cases of the racism and domestic violence has
also
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "increased".
increase
with a common reason behind it, is the such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
on TV.

Lastly
, in my opinion the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the entertainment industries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take great initiative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the likely hood that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
tends
to become criminal after watching such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
to have peaceful society.

In the view of the argument outlined above, one can conclude that despite having benefit, the drawback are
indeed
too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Violence portrayed on TV and in the movies leads to an increase in crime in our society. People who watch violent movies are more likely to become criminals. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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