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Using the information in the diagram, write a description of how a refrigerator works. You may use your own knowledge or experience in addition to the diagram. v.2

Using the information in the diagram, write a description of how a refrigerator works. You may use your own knowledge or experience in addition to the diagram. v. 2
Punishing people who commit crimes is very crucial to maintain law and order in the nation. Different types of crimes have different punishments associated with them. Several people argue that the punishments for the crimes must be fixed, whereas others are on view that fixing the punishments without considering the severity and motivation of crime will lead to unjust decisions by the courts. I agree with the latter view. If there is a fixed sentence for each unlawful act in the law book, the life of judges will become easier because they only need to map the crime and give the final verdict as per the law of the book. As a result, the efficiency of the judicial system will be increased because of faster verdicts by the courtrooms. This will also result in lesser number of conflicts regarding the decisions of the lower courts. However, the above said arguments are not just impractical, but unfair as well in real life for the reason being that criminals must be rehabilitated as well. Human behaviour is highly influenced by the circumstances of the person. Crime is no different because it is part of human behaviour. For example, two persons convicted for the murder must not be given the same sentence for completely different situation and inducement of the action. It is possible that one murder is well planned by the accused, whereas the other one is committed in self-defence. The severity of punishment can not same because it will be unjust to not consider the circumstances behind the crime. To conclude, in deciding the punishment, the motivation, the circumstances, the severity of the offence and the age of the culprit should be taken into account. Fixed punishments does not make sense as they ignore the motivation behind the action.
Punishing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial to maintain law and order in the nation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
associated with them. Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
, whereas others are on view that fixing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
without considering the severity and motivation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
will lead to unjust decisions by the courts. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view.

If there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
sentence for each unlawful act in the law book, the life of judges will become easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need to map the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and give the final verdict as per the law of the book.
As a result
, the efficiency of the judicial system will
be increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of faster verdicts by the courtrooms. This will
also
result in lesser number of conflicts regarding the decisions of the lower courts.

However
, the above said arguments are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
impractical,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfair
as well
in real life for the reason being that criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be rehabilitated
as well
. Human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
highly
influenced by the circumstances of the person.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is part of human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
For example
, two persons convicted for the murder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same sentence for completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
situation and inducement of the action. It is possible that one murder is well planned by the accused, whereas the other one
is committed
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
. The severity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
can not same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will be unjust to not consider the circumstances behind the crime.

To conclude
, in deciding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, the motivation, the circumstances, the severity of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
and the age of the culprit should
be taken
into account.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sense as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the motivation behind the action.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Using the information in the diagram, write a description of how a refrigerator works. You may use your own knowledge or experience in addition to the diagram. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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