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Some people think that the fictional violence portrayed on television is harmless entertainment. Others disagree and think that it encourages violent behaviour. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that the fictional violence portrayed on television is harmless entertainment. Others disagree and think that it encourages violent behaviour. v. 1
It is argued by some people that the most important way to solve traffic congestion and pollution is to increase the price of fuel. I agree with this notion because a fuel hike would make the daily use of personal cars on roads unattractive, while the development of public transportation system is another effective way to solve this problem. First of all, a higher cost of fuel would make the daily use of automobiles unattractive. This would be due to the exorbitant cost of maintaining personal cars. Thus, people would seek alternative means of transit, reducing the numbers of cars on roads as well as noise and exhaust from them. For example, following the hike in the pump price of petrol in Nigeria, in 2012, many car owners left their cars at home, reducing the number of vehicles on major roads, transit time, noise and exhaust from cars. Thus, a hike in the cost of gasoline would result in less traffic jams and pollutions from vehicles. Furthermore, the government should develop a good public transportation system in order to reduce problems on the roads. Through an effective public transportation scheme, many people would forgo the use of personal cars for modes of transportation such as underground trains, bicycles and energy efficient buses. The resultant effects would be less pressure on roads, faster flow of traffic and less pollution of the environment. In conclusion, fuel hike would discourage the daily use of personal cars and it is an essential approach to reducing traffic and pollutants from vehicles. More so, I believe that a good public transportation scheme would also be effective in running traffic on roads along with pollution.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
way to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
is to increase the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hike
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
unattractive, while the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
system is another effective way to solve this problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a higher cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of automobiles unattractive. This would be due to the exorbitant cost of maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would seek alternative means of transit, reducing the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
as well
as noise and exhaust from them.
For example
, following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hike
in the pump price of petrol in Nigeria, in 2012,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
owners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
at home, reducing the number of vehicles on major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
, transit time, noise and exhaust from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hike
in the cost of gasoline would result in less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jams and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutions
from vehicles.

Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
system in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
problems on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. Through an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
scheme,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would forgo the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
for modes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
such as underground trains, bicycles and energy efficient buses. The resultant effects would be less pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
, faster flow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
of the environment.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hike
would discourage the daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and it is an essential approach to reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and pollutants from vehicles. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I believe that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
scheme would
also
be effective in running
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the fictional violence portrayed on television is harmless entertainment. Others disagree and think that it encourages violent behaviour. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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