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Violence on television has a negative impact on children’s behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Violence on television has a negative impact on children’s behaviour. v. 1
These days almost every house contains a TV set and it is reasonable to assume that box programs impact the behaviour of the young and impressionable. It is my belief that disturbance on TV set leads to violent behaviour for some children and fearful and withdrawn behaviour for others. Watching violent programs leads some children to copy violent behaviour. Many programs contain extremely realistic scenes of violence and it has been shown that children who watch these types of programs may think violence is normal. For example, if a child watches a scene depicting violent bullying occurring in a school, he/she may think it is acceptable and so copy the behaviour. Additionally, after watching violent television, many children exhibit higher levels of aggression, which can result in injuries or emotional problems. For instance, recently in the news there was the story of a child who broke his playmate’s back by replicating dangerous fighting moves that he had seen on television earlier that day. Furthermore, if children witness television violence they may become withdrawn and afraid of others. It has been shown that while older children may copy violent behaviour, toddlers are more likely to become anxious, impacting their behaviour. Such children may refuse to go outside for fear of violence, which could affect their social development as they will be less likely to mix with other children and learn social skills. In conclusion, TV violence clearly affects the behaviour of children negatively. While older children may become normalized to violent behaviour or even copy it, younger ones may become anxious and display fearful behaviour. Parents should carefully consider what they allow their children to watch on television and should not let children watch television unattended.
These days almost every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
contains a TV set and it is reasonable to assume that box
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
impact the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the young and impressionable. It is my belief that disturbance on TV set leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and fearful and withdrawn
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
for others.

Watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
copy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
contain
extremely
realistic scenes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and it has
been shown
that
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children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is normal.
For example
, if a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watches
a scene depicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
bullying occurring in a school, he/she may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is acceptable and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
copy
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Additionally
, after watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
exhibit higher levels of aggression, which can result in injuries or emotional problems.
For instance
, recently in the news there was the story of a child who broke his playmate’s back by replicating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
fighting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
that he had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
earlier that day.

Furthermore
, if
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children
witness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
they may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
withdrawn and afraid of others. It has
been shown
that while older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
copy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, toddlers are more likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
anxious, impacting their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Such
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children
may refuse to go outside for fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
, which could affect their social development as they will be less likely to mix with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and learn social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, TV
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violence
clearly
affects the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
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children
negatively
. While older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
normalized to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
copy
it, younger ones may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
anxious and display fearful
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Parents should
carefully
consider what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
on
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television
and should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
unattended.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Violence on television has a negative impact on children’s behaviour. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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