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Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give own opinion v.2

Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behaviour. 2
Over the last two decades, the technology has improved tremendously. After the advent of television, the world we live has seen significant changes. However, there are some demerit as well with watching television. Some people think that the behaviour of the children changed due to some western shows and other think that children's behaviour changed because of most of the time spent on watching television. Following passage will discuss both the arguments, but in my viewpoint, both arguments are correct and it indirectly affects the children's attitude. Firstly, the television is one of the great technology where we receive updated information from every corner of the world in a fraction of seconds. People of all the ages watch the television at least 3 hours in a day. Due to this, television has become a good source of advertisement. Few ads are copied from the western countries and they are cast directly into the local channels. Television is watched with the family members and children under maturity age also watching these ads and getting influenced. Secondly, the television is grown as a vast from the last ten years and there are around thousands of channels to entertain us. For instance, cartoon channels for Children, game show channels for youngsters and serials for adults. Consequently, people are sticking to the television for hours. People are becoming inactive/lazy because the only physical activity required is to press one button. After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can draw to a conclusion that both the arguments have a significant effect on children's attitude. Parents and the government intervention required to overcome from these issues.
Over the last two decades, the technology has
improved
tremendously
. After the advent of
television
, the world we
live
has
seen
significant
changes
.
However
, there are
some
demerit
as well
with watching
television
.
Some
people
think
that the
behaviour
of the children
changed
due to
some
western
shows
and other
think
that children's
behaviour
changed
because
of most of the time spent on watching
television
. Following passage will discuss both the arguments,
but
in my viewpoint, both arguments are correct and it
indirectly
affects the children's attitude.

Firstly
, the
television
is one of the great technology where we receive updated information from every corner of the world in a fraction of seconds.
People
of all the ages
watch
the
television
at least 3 hours in a day. Due to this,
television
has become a
good
source of advertisement. Few ads
are copied
from the western
countries and
they
are cast
directly
into the local
channels
.
Television
is
watched
with the family members and children under maturity age
also
watching these ads and getting influenced.

Secondly
, the
television
is grown
as a vast from the last ten years and there are around thousands of
channels
to entertain us.
For instance
, cartoon
channels
for Children, game
show
channels
for youngsters and serials for adults.
Consequently
,
people
are sticking to the
television
for hours.
People
are becoming inactive/lazy
because
the
only
physical activity required is to press one button.

After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can draw to a conclusion that both the arguments have a significant effect on children's attitude. Parents and the
government
intervention required to overcome from these issues.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behaviour. 2

Essay
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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