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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.28

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 28
There is a common preference among the youngsters to get a break after their graduation and before joining the university. During this period they are encouraged to work or travel to gain some exposure. This essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks along with examples. There are many advantages to this. First of all, the students preferring to work during this time get the opportunity to understand the market. This helps in deciding their career and field they want to opt in the future. For example, a marketing student after graduating gets a sales job in a Commercial Bank gives him a better idea about the market trends. Through this he is able to choose the specialized field in the University. Secondly, adults who prefer to travel to some other country during their break gives them a better understanding to learn about different cultures. It will boost their self confidence and knowledge. However, there are certain demerits as well. Firstly, they will lose one year for the academics during this break. Most of the times, Universities are offering scholarships to fresh graduates and in that case people taking break for one complete year might lose this opportunity. Secondly, those who were working during this hour find it difficult in continuing their schooling. Due to the tough job schedule they are unable to manage their time and continue their studies. This results in missing the University education. For example, a full time employee has to give 40 working hours in a week and the worker finds it hard to manage it with his studies. Due to monetary benefit he cannot resign from this job. Therefore, he has to sacrifice his education. To conclude, taking a break from studies has the benefits in shaping their personal and career development. Though there are also drawbacks of loosing scholarship opportunity and further schooling. In this regard, both the factors should be taken in consideration.
There is a common preference among the youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
after their graduation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. During this period they
are encouraged
to work or travel to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exposure. This essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks along with examples.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to this.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the students preferring to work during this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to understand the market. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in deciding their career and field they want to opt in the future.
For example
, a marketing student after graduating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a sales job in a Commercial Bank gives him a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the market trends. Through this he is able to choose the specialized field in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
.
Secondly
, adults who prefer to travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other country during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
gives them a better
The verb 'understanding' is used with the gerund form: "understanding learning".
understanding to learn
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures. It will boost their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
and knowledge.

However
, there are certain demerits
as well
.
Firstly
, they will lose one year for the academics during this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
are offering scholarships to fresh graduates and
in that case
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
for one complete year might lose this opportunity.
Secondly
, those who were working during this hour find it difficult in continuing their schooling. Due to the tough job schedule they are unable to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and continue their studies. This results in missing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
education.
For example
, a full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
employee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
give 40 working hours in a week and the worker finds it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to manage it with his studies. Due to monetary benefit he cannot resign from this job.
Therefore
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
sacrifice his education.

To conclude
, taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
from studies has the benefits in shaping their personal and career development. Though there are
also
drawbacks of loosing scholarship opportunity and
further
schooling. In this regard, both the factors should
be taken
in consideration.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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