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In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.33

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 33
There is a common preference among the youngsters to get a break after their graduation and before joining the university. During this period they are encouraged to work or travel to gain some exposure. This essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks along with examples. There are many advantages to this. First of all, the students preferring to work during this time get the opportunity to understand the market. This helps in deciding their career and field they want to opt in the future. For example, a marketing student after graduating gets a sales job in a Commercial Bank gives him a better idea about the market trends. This gives him the path to choose the specialized field in the University. Secondly, adults who prefer to travel to some other country during their break gives them a better understanding to learn about different cultures. This will boost their confidence and knowledge. However, besides the merits there are certain demerits as well. Firstly, they will lose one year for the academics during this break. Most of the times, Universities offer scholarships to fresh graduates and pupil who were on break for one complete year might lose this opportunity. Secondly, those who were working during this hour find difficulty in continuing their academics. Due to the tough job schedule they are unable to manage their time and continue their studies. This results in missing the University education. For example, a full time employee has to give 40 working hours in a week and the worker finds it hard to manage it with his education. Due to monetary benefit he cannot resign from this job. Therefore, he has to sacrifice his education. To conclude, taking a break from studies has the benefits in shaping their personal and career development. Though there are also drawbacks of loosing scholarship opportunity and further education. In this regard, both the factors should be taken in consideration.
There is a common preference among the youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
after their graduation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. During this period they
are encouraged
to work or travel to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exposure. This essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks along with examples.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to this.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the students preferring to work during this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to understand the market. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in deciding their career and field they want to opt in the future.
For example
, a marketing student after graduating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a sales job in a Commercial Bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
him a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the market trends. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
him the path to choose the specialized field in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
.
Secondly
, adults who prefer to travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other country during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
them a better
The verb 'understanding' is used with the gerund form: "understanding learning".
understanding to learn
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures. This will boost their confidence and knowledge.

However
,
besides
the merits there are certain demerits
as well
.
Firstly
, they will lose one year for the academics during this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
offer scholarships to fresh graduates and pupil who were on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
for one complete year might lose this opportunity.
Secondly
, those who were working during this hour find difficulty in continuing their academics. Due to the tough job schedule they are unable to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and continue their studies. This results in missing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
education.
For example
, a full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
employee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
40 working hours in a week and the worker finds it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to manage it with his education. Due to monetary benefit he cannot resign from this job.
Therefore
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
sacrifice his education.

To conclude
, taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
from studies has the benefits in shaping their personal and career development. Though there are
also
drawbacks of loosing scholarship opportunity and
further
education. In this regard, both the factors should
be taken
in consideration.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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